Born to Fight
by lexi-charmed
Summary: Castiel finds out what happened to Dean and has to live with the after-effects. How does he cope, and just what did happened to Dean that night he drove home from the party alone? This is a sequel to Made to Lie, and I advise reading that one first. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Thank you for your patience on getting the first chapter of the sequel to Made to Lie up. This is it. It's all told from Castiel's point of view (and after the ending to M2L I'm sure you can guess why).  
**

 **If you're just tucking into this one, I suggest you read the first story first. It will fill in some of the gaps for this one. While there will be flashbacks with Castiel's POV of various moments from the first story, the other one still has everything that was going on through Dean's mind.**

 **I really hope you enjoy this story. As some people reviewed as guests in the last chapter, I don't feel like I brought in a shock ending that made people feel they were wasting their time reading. There were subtle clues throughout that something was going to happen to Dean. I'll also say that I like to write based on real life, and sometimes events happen when we least expect it to happen. It can make things seem unfinished and uncertain, and that's what I was going for with the last chapter. If you don't like that type of ending, you're not likely to like much of my writing because that's what I aim for-realism. But thank you for your reviews. I do keep them in mind, but it doesn't mean I'm going to change my writing style. As this is not for profit and much of it is for my own pleasure, I will stick to that way of writing. That doesn't mean everything will end with sadness (because again that's not real). There are even times that I have alternate endings.**

Chapter 1

Castiel thanked Jo as she dropped him off back at Dean's house. She had been a great friend to him tonight, even though she didn't really have to be. Jo was just one of those people who would welcome those she trusted in and help them out when necessary.

"He'll be okay, Cas," Jo smiled, tilting her head to one side as he climbed out of her small car. He looked down at her before shutting the door, "Just give him some time. Remember what Sam and I told you. Dean has a lot of darkness around him that he's trying to fight again. I think you're the light he's needed."

"Thank you, Jo," Castiel nodded his head, "I'm not giving up on him. Go home and put some ice on that eye."

Closing the door, he gave her a small wave, before turning around to face the house. It seemed strange going in without Dean. While he'd spent a few hours in the house with just Dean's parents and siblings, he hadn't actually walked into the property alone. Not when he'd just been out with Dean.

A light was still on, but Castiel checked his watch. It was almost four in the morning, surely nobody was still going to be up right now. Surely everyone would have gone to bed. Dean had told them not to wait up—and it seemed perfectly normal for him to be out until all hours.

When he let himself into the house, with the key that Dean had given him earlier, he looked around. The whole house was quiet. There was definitely nobody up right now. But Castiel didn't really want to go to sleep. Not seeing the Impala in the driveway made it clear that Dean wasn't home yet. And Cas didn't feel right going into his boyfriend's bedroom to sleep when his boyfriend was clearly dealing with a lot going on in his head.

Jo had been right about Dean not having it easy. There was a darkness in him, and Castiel could sense that from the first day he met him. When they were talking with the whole group, there were times that Castiel had watched Dean's green eyes turn darker. And Castiel definitely couldn't forget those nights as Dean was slowly coming to terms with his bisexuality.

" _I said you're a typical jock." Castiel looked up at Dean. It was a stupid argument that they were getting into, really. Dean had just stopped a fight from breaking out in one of the classrooms, all because Castiel and his friends were using it. He couldn't help but wonder what trouble Dean would get into with his football friends for doing that. Why had he done it?_

 _They'd shared a kiss a while ago. Well, it wasn't really shared. Castiel had kissed Dean. He'd read some signals wrong and went for it. Dean had panicked. Of course he had. Dean Winchester wasn't gay. Castiel knew that, but it didn't stop him from trying._

 _But all it had done was lead them here. And now Castiel was insulting Dean._

" _Whoa! No I'm not a typical jock," Dean shook his head, a hurt in his beautiful jade green eyes for even the thought that he could be a typical job. No, Dean wasn't a typical jock, but he'd been acting like one at that moment in time, "If I was, I'd have let those two knuckleheads have their way with you and your friends. I didn't. I stopped them."_

" _Some stopping them," Castiel now stood up from the bed, locking eyes with Dean. God, those green eyes were pulling him in. They were sexy, but Castiel could see the darkness in them coming back. He was angry, and Castiel wasn't sure how far he'd be able to push him, "You didn't exactly stand up for me, did you? You were a typical jock, just one not looking for a fight."_

" _So not a typical jock then, huh?" Dean shouted at his roommate, "Trust me, I can act like one if you want. You want me to let you get the crap beaten outta ya?"_

" _They've tried in the past." Castiel shrugged his shoulders, "It's not like I need a knight in shining armor, Dean." Of course, it didn't mean Cas had liked the beatings. This last year had been the hardest though. It was like Zach and the rest of the team wanted to make the most of their senior year. And Cain was clearly looking to take the big man's spot next year._

" _Well, you want me to do the beating? Because I can do," Dean warned the 17-year-old, "I would beat you so hard, you'd be flying into next week."_

" _You think you're so tough because you've gotten into fights in the past, don't ya?" Castiel asked, chuckling at the remark, "I'd like to see you try."_

" _The last fight I got into, I put the guy in the hospital," Dean glared at his roommate. They were closer now with Castiel invading Dean's personal space yet again. Castiel was really pushing him right now, "I can easily do it again. Or maybe you wanna end up in the morgue."_

" _Is that a threat, Winchester?" Castiel narrowed his eyes. It certainly sounded like one, and right now Castiel had a death wish. But there was just something about Dean that meant he couldn't back away. There was this tension—this chemistry—that made Castiel want more._

" _Take it how you want, Novak." Dean fired back and waited. He waited to see what Castiel would say next. The problem was he didn't say anything next. Castiel looked down at Dean's lips, the tension drawing him in. Before he knew it, he was pulling Dean towards him, grabbing his head to stop Dean from pulling away. They locked lips, and Castiel pulled the taller boy in closer._

 _Dean never did reciprocate the kiss. Instead, he pushed Castiel away, clearly realizing what was going on. Maybe Castiel was pushing this too hard, but he knew the tension and attraction he was feeling between the two of them._

" _What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Dean shook his head, wiping his mouth. There was clear disgust in those gorgeous green eyes, but mixed with something else. Something that had Castiel even more certain that Dean enjoyed that._

" _You're telling me that you don't want it?" Castiel asked, "I've seen the way you look at me."_

 _Dean didn't say anything. The usual cocky, sarcastic man was just a little boy, questioning everything. It made Castiel feel amazing. He'd actually just shut his roommate up. Glaring right into those eyes, he continued, "If you don't want it, tell me to walk away right now."_

They hadn't been able to take it any further that night. They'd been interrupted due to the headcount that happened every night and by the time that finished the tension had left. Dean put his guard back up and went to bed, threatening Castiel with a trip to the morgue. Not that Castiel was going to take that seriously. He'd heard some of the phone conversations Dean had with his parents and his little brother. Dean was trying to turn over a new leaf.

He was trying to get rid of that darkness, but his past kept pulling him back. It wasn't even a recent past. One thing that Castiel hadn't realized was that Dean had come from an abusive home. It was a long time ago, but for Dean it was often just like yesterday.

That was something Jo and Sam had explained. It had been while Dean was with Lisa, trying to work out their plan for when the baby came. Castiel wanted to learn more about his boyfriend, and was snooping in his bedroom. It felt wrong but so right at the same time. This was the only way he was going to learn more.

Sam had come up to see what Castiel was up to, tagging Jo along who'd come over to keep Castiel entertained. Sometimes he wondered whether he came across as a small kid who couldn't look after himself. But he wasn't going to complain. It felt good to get to know the people in Dean's life; the people that Dean stood up for and protected with everything he had.

" _What are you doing?" Sam asked, a smirk in his voice. Castiel looked like a deer caught in headlights, but softened when he realized that Dean's little brother was just messing around with him, "If you're looking for his diary, you'll be disappointed. Dean Winchester doesn't do diaries."_

" _Haha! Dean Winchester doesn't do chick flick moments." Jo pointed out, dropping onto her best friend's bed. She quickly held her hand up and then ruffled through one of his drawers, pulling out a little black book and then throwing it at Castiel._

" _What's this?" Castiel asked, not really sure whether he wanted to look through it._

 _Jo didn't say anything, just motioned for Castiel to take a look. When he did, he was shocked to see the words written across the pages. They weren't names and numbers like he was expecting—nothing to do with Dean's notches on his bed posts. They were lyrics. The man had written down his thoughts in the form of song._

 _As Castiel looked through them, he realized that a lot of the lyrics were about abuse and alcohol. They were about his childhood, well the first four years._

" _Look towards the back." Jo now said, glancing over at Sam. The younger boy had a worried look in his brown eyes. He clearly wasn't sure whether letting Castiel see this was a good idea, but Jo just shrugged her shoulders. The silent conversation between the two friends made it clear they'd known each other for many years._

 _Castiel flipped to the back and saw that some of the lyrics were about run-ins with the law, time behind bars and a man. The man was never given a name, but Castiel could guess who it was. That was going to be Dean and Sam's biological dad._

" _Dean doesn't do chick flick moments, but he has to get his thoughts out somehow," Sam sighed, as Castiel gave the book back to Jo, "He doesn't know we know about it, so you can't tell him you've looked at it."_

" _He doesn't want people to know that side of him?" Castiel asked with a frown._

 _Jo laughed at the question, "Have you met Dean Winchester?"_

 _Castiel sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed, as Sam pulled up the desk chair. Castiel realized that Dean was becoming more of an enigma. In fact, he was an enigma wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a Sudoku puzzle. It was very confusing for the 18-year-old boy._

" _Dean's issues with our dad go a lot deeper than mine do," Sam explained, "I was too young to remember any of it and I definitely don't remember witnessing anything. I don't even know how much Dean witnessed, but I remember him getting counselling for years. Not that it helped—I doubt he talked to anyone actually about it."_

" _He can be scary when he lashes out," Jo sighed, "I don't know if you've seen it yet, but there's this darkness in his eyes. It's as if he becomes a completely different person—or forgets who he really is. The last two years have been...intense."_

" _Is this the 'you need to be careful around him' speech?" Castiel asked, looking between Sam and Jo, and both of them shrugged. Yes, there was an element of that, but it was also a 'we're trying to help you get to know him better' speech._

Castiel sighed, as he sat down on the couch. He couldn't help but look up at the various family photos around the walls again. There were some of the three brothers as babies and toddlers. The ones of Charlie started from when she was about four, but Dean had said that she'd only recently been adopted.

If Mary and John had such love to adopt a young daughter after raising three boys, and clearly going through hell with her ex, it was clear that Dean could be a loving and kind man. He just needed to stop putting up the front.

The sound of the phone ringing pulled Castiel out of his thoughts. Looking at his watch, he realized an hour had passed already. No wonder Castiel was starting to feel tired. But where was Dean? Why wasn't he back yet? Had he decided not to come home after all?

Sound of banging pulled Castiel from his thoughts again, and then there was muffled panicked voices. Someone was rushing across the hallway and down the stairs. Castiel looked across to the stairs to see John running in sweats and a t-shirt.

"Oh, Castiel!" John looked at his son's boyfriend, shocked and panicked eyes, "What are you...you're here...I thought..."

"I'm here. Jo dropped me home and..."

Mary and Sam were the next two to come down the stairs. Both stopped in shock to see Castiel on the couch.

"You weren't with Dean?" Mary sighed with visible relief, but then panicked again. She looked over at John, "No, that means...he was alone."

Castiel frowned, watching the interaction between the two parents. Mary's eyes started tearing up. She had clearly thrown the first set of clothes that she could find, and both parents were trying to leave in a hurry. What had happened? Who was alone?

"Mom, Dad, just go," Sam pushed his parents out of the door, "Find out...Find out how Dean is and call me, okay? He needs you both right now."

"Look after Adam and Charlie," Mary kissed the top of Sam's head, before she was pulled out of the house by John. He heard the car screech out of the driveway and then down the street. It was now time for Castiel to find out what had happened. Looking at Sam, no words needed to be spoken.

"It was the hospital," Sam's eyes were filling with tears, "Dean's there and...and...I don't know how bad he is, Cas."

Cas couldn't explain the fear that went right through him upon hearing those words. He stood, frozen to the spot, just staring at the tears streaming down Sam's face.

* * *

 **This is going to have a bit of a slow start. I didn't just want to jump straight to Castiel finding out about Dean. I want to show some of the flashbacks. The idea of Dean jotting down song lyrics seems like something he would have done. After all, Dean in Supernatural wanted to be a rock star at one point ;) It's something I used to do to get my thoughts out rather than keep a diary, and I know plenty of other people who did it too (especially guys).  
**

 **Anyway, I'd love to know what you thought about the first chapter. Please do R &R.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the support for the first chapter of this story. I know it can be hard getting into sequels, which is why I try not to write the too often but sometimes they're a necessity.**

 **Anyway, here's chapter two and it goes further into Castiel's memories and more about Dean...**

Chapter 2

It was hours later that Castiel found out the whole story. Everything that had happened to his boyfriend. John had come home to pick up his sons and daughter, offering to take Castiel to the hospital, too.

"How bad is it?" Sam asked, throwing his shoes on while Adam and Charlie got theirs and their coats on, "I mean, is it a broken arm? A knock on the head?"

John's teary-eyed look answered Sam's question. Castiel didn't miss the pain and the sadness, telling everyone in the room that the accident had been worse; a lot worse.

"Castiel, are you coming?" John turned his attention to him, trying to get away from the conversation, "I'm sure he would want you there."

Dean hadn't said that he wanted Cas there? All sorts of worries went through his head. Was that because Dean didn't really want him around? Was it because Dean was knocked out and currently unconscious? Was it something worse?

While all these thoughts were running through his mind, he'd forgotten that John had asked him a question. John was staring at Castiel, waiting for an answer to his question, "Um, yes. I should be there."

"Okay, get your shoes and coat." John nodded, he was going back to the hospital at that moment.

Castiel didn't argue. He just climbed into John's jeep, sitting between the two youngest Winchesters. Sam sat shotgun, as they drove in silence back to the hospital. John didn't even want music playing in his car.

"Dad? What's wrong with Dean?" Charlie asked, her innocent voice making John's composure break. Castiel just watched as his shoulders shook, and then he saw the hurt and fear on Sam's face. John didn't say anything, and it just led to Charlie asking again. Finally, John knew that he was going to have to say something. Castiel wondered whether he realized that he was going to have to break the news to them anyway; get them ready for what they were about to see.

"Dean's not in very good shape, Charlie," John finally spoke, clearly trying to keep his voice in check, "He…he was in a very bad accident and the doctors are trying to take care of him, okay?"

"Is he gonna be okay, Dad?" Adam now asked, looking away from the window, where he'd been watching the scenery go by.

"I'm…I'm not sure, buddy," John's voice cracked, making Castiel's heart beat faster. He couldn't believe he was hearing this. The accident had been very bad, "He's not gonna be awake when we get there, okay? And I'm not sure when he'll be awake."

Castiel folded his arms across his chest, trying to protect himself. His breathing had sped up, feeling the fear taking over his body. So that was why John had said he was sure Dean would want him at the hospital. It wasn't that Dean hadn't mentioned Castiel. It was that Dean couldn't mention him.

The worry was quickly turning to panic. Was Dean just unconscious? Knocked out from surgery? Or was it worse? Was he in a coma?

The rest of the journey was in silence. Nobody wanted to say anything. John couldn't talk any more about his son's accident, Sam was panicking from the front seat and Castiel was too busy questioning everything that had happened last night.

He shouldn't have left Dean on his own to drive back. He shouldn't have gone with Jo. If he'd gone with Dean, there may have been a chance the accident wouldn't have happened. He didn't even know what had happened, but there was a chance that he could have stopped it.

Whose fault had the accident been, anyway? What exactly had happened? Was anyone else involved? There were just so many questions running through his head right now.

Once they finally reached the hospital, Castiel wasn't even sure if he wanted to go in or not. The fear was suffocating him. It was like he had been spending so long trying to tread water, and now he was drowning. He couldn't face what was inside that hospital, because he didn't want to admit that his boyfriend had been seriously injured in an accident.

While the younger Winchesters got out of the car, John remained in the driver's seat. Castiel watched him carefully, as he clenched his jaw tight. It was a trait that Dean had obviously picked up on over the years. They may not have been related by blood, but this man was clearly Dean's dad.

"He's in real bad shape, Cas," John finally spoke, his voice cracking, "Mary and I don't want Adam and Charlie to see him like this but…but we don't know how long he'll be out. The doctors don't know if he'll ever wake up."

Before Castiel could say anything else, John got out of the car. That was Cas' hint to get out, too. Sam was standing by the door waiting for the two of them, Adam and Charlie already heading towards the hospital. They hadn't sensed the tension in the car; hadn't realized just how bad the situation was. But Sam had. And Sam was now going to get answers, Castiel could see that.

"What's going on, Dad?" Sam asked, "You gotta tell me what I'm gonna see in there. Don't let me go in blind."

"He's…he's in a coma, Sammy," John finally said the words that Castiel had really been dreading, "The accident…he was lucky to survive it. He did almost die while in surgery. Your mom's with him at the moment. They…they're not sure when or even if he'll wake up."

Sam shook his head, tears streaming down his face, while Castiel just stopped in his tracks. His blue eyes grew wide, with realization that this was getting to be much worse than he first expected. Before he knew it, he'd dropped backwards, smashing his back into the jeep. John and Sam were looking at him, shock and worry in their eyes. They were speaking, Castiel could see their mouths moving, but he couldn't hear anything they were saying. He couldn't hear anything around him, just his heartbeat deafening. The blood was pumping around his head, and that was all he could hear and feel.

The sound was deafening him. It was so bad that he didn't even realize that his vision was closing in on him. The next thing he knew, it all went blank.

" _What's going on? Are the rumors true?" The look in Benny's eyes told Castiel that he didn't trust where this was going. He didn't trust Dean, and certainly didn't trust this situation._

" _No." Dean shook his head, almost offended that Benny would believe such a rumor. Yes, Castiel and Dean had been caught in the hut, but they hadn't been caught sleeping together._

" _We were caught in the hut," Cas explained, quickly, "We've both been suspended. Newns doesn't know the full truth though."_

" _I was caught smoking," Dean rolled off the lie that he'd come up with to get Zach out of the room earlier. Castiel gritted his teeth, letting him go on, "Saw Cas coming out of Harris' office. Dunno why he's been suspended."_

 _With a shrug of the shoulders, he looked over to his roommate. Castiel glanced to his friends, pleading with them to just go along with this. They couldn't out Dean right now. But he was annoyed, and so were his friends. He could tell looking into Benny and Speedy's eyes that they were pissed Dean was lying._

" _You coming, Cas?" Dean asked, breaking the tension a little in the room, "I'll be down at the car."_

 _As soon as Dean left, Castiel's friends turned on him._

" _What the fuck, Cas?" Speedy growled, "You're just gonna let him lie like that?"_

" _I'm not gonna out him right now," Castiel shook his head, "Look, I know you don't like him but will you trust me?"_

 _Benny shook his head, "I really don't get what you see in him. He's a jackass, Castiel. He's using you to…to…"_

" _To what?" Castiel asked, packing his bag, "To figure his head out? You know what, I can deal with that. There's not many people he can talk to about that in this school. Do you not remember how I acted out when I was figuring all this out? Do you not remember the jackass I became?"_

" _But you didn't go around beating up the guy you were figuring it all out with," Speedy argued with his friend, "You and Garth are still friends, now. You really gonna tell me that in a year you and Dean will still be friends?"_

" _I don't know, Speed," Castiel shook his head, "I don't even know what I expect from him, but there's something…there's something that I just can't drop. I want to help him through this. Anyway, he can't all be that bad. He's staying with me during suspension."_

" _What!" Benny shouted, but Castiel wasn't going to listen. He needed to get off the school grounds, so he could meet up with Dean later to get home._

The darkness went away, switching to blinding light. Groaning, Castiel placed his hand to his head, as voices around him started deafening him. At least he was hearing voices again. The heartbeat had gone. The deafening blood rushing around his head was gone.

"Cas!" That was Sam's voice. Why was Sam calling his name? Where were they? The last thing Castiel remembered was hearing that Dean was in a coma…

Castiel sat up quickly, as everything came back to him. Dean had been in a car accident, and was in a coma. He was in the hospital. That was where John was taking them to, where he'd got them to. That was…

"Cas, hey! You're okay!" Sam was looking right into Castiel's eyes. It helped him focus his thoughts. The questions were slowly stopping to just one.

"What are you doing here?"

"You had a panic attack in the parking lot," Sam explained, the panic slowly leaving his eyes. Castiel frowned, sitting back in the bed. That was when he realized he was in a bed, "You passed out. We brought you in here. It's okay…I, erm, I didn't want to leave you on your own."

"So, you haven't seen Dean yet?" Castiel asked, pulling himself out of the bed. A doctor walked in, with a soft smile on her face. She tucked her hair behind her ear, as she saw that Castiel was getting out of the bed.

"Well, it looks like my patient is better," she spoke softly, "How are you feeling, Castiel?"

"Well, better," Cas nodded, "I need to go now. I…"

"Let me just check your blood pressure again." the doctor pulled out some equipment, not really giving Castiel a choice. While she did that, Cas decided that he would get some more information from Sam about his brother.

"So, Dean," Castiel looked directly at the younger Winchester, "How is he?"

"I haven't seen him yet," Sam admitted, making Castiel feel extremely guilty. Sam had decided against seeing his brother so he could keep an eye on him, "I didn't really wanna…I know I should but I'm scared, Cas."

Castiel frowned, hearing the weakness and uncertainty in Sam's voice. He'd known Sam for less than a week, but was already getting the idea that he wasn't a weak little boy. This 16-year-old was smart and strong. He'd seen his personality shine through while he spoke with Dean, or while they played on the Xbox.

Then it hit Cas. Dean was everything to Sam. If something happened to Dean, if Dean didn't make it through this, well, Sam would be just as lost as Castiel was starting to feel.

"Okay, that's better," the doctor now said, "It's still high but better than it was when you came in. You need to…wait, Dean? Tessa's patient?"

"Tessa?" Sam asked in a weak voice. Castiel was also frowning. There clearly weren't many Deans in the hospital.

"Dr. Burke," the doctor nodded her head, looking between the two of them, "I'm so sorry about your friend. She's always devastated when it comes to cases that she can't do anything about. Oh, I'm sorry. I should…I am sorry. But my patient," she said, turning her attention directly to Cas, "You're good to go, Castiel. I guess you will want to see your friend."

Castiel nodded slowly as the doctor left him with Sam. He looked over at his boyfriend's little brother, "Your dad?"

"He's with Dean, took Adam and Charlie there," Sam nodded his head, "He was worried, though. My mom checked in a bit ago and saw you were still out. I offered to stay here until you woke up."

Castiel nodded his head, mumbling a thanks, before getting off the bed. He was happy to know that he was still in his own clothes, rather than a hospital gown. At least it made it easier to get to Dean.

"So, you didn't want to see him?" Castiel asked, with a small frown.

"I just…I'm not sure. This is…If I see Dean then it makes it all real," Sam explained as they walked down the corridors towards the ICU, "I can't see what he's like. Not if he's not awake and bossing me around."

Castiel smiled softly, "I guess I don't feel as guilty for keeping you away from him." Castiel knew how Sam felt. He remembered the same thoughts after his mom's death. Gabriel had led him down the corridors that night when they'd found out Naomi had been involved in a shooting. She'd woken up briefly, but the shot to her head had killed her eventually. It broke Castiel and Gabriel completely. They'd never expected for their lives to be turned upside down. Castiel had definitely never expected when he was just 14-years-old.

The closer they got to the ICU, the more Castiel started to panic again. He felt the blood rushing to his head once more, the heartbeat deafening him. But this time he wasn't going to let it overwhelm him. This time Sam knew the warning signs, and Castiel knew to take a deep breath. It was time to stop thinking about what he was going to see before seeing Dean, and actually get there.

"Hey, you okay?" Sam asked, the grip on Castiel's arm pulling him back to reality, "You're not gonna faint on me again, are ya?"

Castiel took a deep breath, feeling some of the pressure of his chest, getting the sound of his heartbeat out of his head. Nodding his head, he let himself be pulled down the hospital corridors again, directly to the room that Dean was currently staying in. He didn't go through the doors, though. He and Sam just stayed outside, seeing John and Charlie sitting on the chairs outside.

"Only two at a time," Charlie looked up from where her head laid in her father's chest. His eyes red with tears, as he stroked her hair. Castiel looked over at John, whose eyes were closed but he wasn't asleep. The movement of his hand wasn't the only give away. The tapping of his heel as he sat was another, "How are you, Cas?"

"I'm better, thank you." Castiel nodded, and then looked through the window in the door. He could see Mary sitting by the bed, but her body was blocking his view of Dean. He could just about make Adam on the other side of the bed.

"If you tell Mary you're here…" John started, but Castiel drowned him out. He wanted to see Dean. He really did, but there was something that scared him far too much to walk in there. Sam felt the same, Castiel could tell from his hesitation.

John opened one eye, and looked directly at Castiel, "He'll want you in there and I think you need to see him. Both of you."

Sam was the first to move, knocking on the door. Mary jumped, looking around to see Sam and Castiel look at her through the window. Her soft smile didn't quite reach her eyes, which were red and full of tears. She quickly wiped her tears, and then walked over to the door.

"Oh, Castiel, sweetie," Mary grabbed his arm, "How are you? John said…I was so worried…"

"I'm okay, Mary," Castiel nodded his head, but he couldn't quite make himself smile. He was too busy worrying, panicking about what he'd see on the other side of the door. She seemed to guess that and glanced behind her, "He'll want to see you, Cas. He'll want to see both of you. You can talk to him. The doctors think he might be able to hear us. They can't be sure but, well, it's worth a shot, right?"

Castiel felt an arm on his shoulder. Knowing it was Sam, he gained a bit more strength to finally see what his boyfriend was like.

As he slowly walked into the room, he finally caught a glimpse of Dean. Well, the shell of Dean. There were machines all over the room and tubes and wires everywhere. One tube was coming out of Dean's mouth, connected to one of the machines, to help him breath.

The emotions were getting too much for Castiel. He put his hand to his chest, feeling the tightness forming again. Grabbing the chair that Mary had vacated, he just stared forward with wide blue eyes. All he wanted was for Dean to open those beautiful green eyes and look at him; tell him that everything was going to be okay.

But that wasn't going to happen. Dean was in a coma. He was being kept alive by machines at this rate. It didn't even look like his boyfriend. The bandage around his head covered his dirty blonde hair, and the swollen eye and cuts all along his cheeks disguised him completely.

Deep down he knew that this was Dean, but it looked nothing like him at all. Then Castiel finally reached down to grab Dean's hand, to see the ring that Dean only took off to play football. That was when he realized there wasn't a ring there. In fact, there was barely a hand. It was covered in a plaster cast.

"His hand and arm are broken," Mary's voice said from the door, "So is his left leg. I'll, erm, I'll give you two a few minutes with him."

Castiel didn't look back. He just stared down at his boyfriend, too lost for words. What was going to happen now? Where were they going to go from here?

* * *

 **I know, it's a really sad start to this story. I promise you that it will get happier. I needed this to bring out Castiel's thoughts and memories. Please R &R, I'd love to hear what you think.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone. Sorry for the delay in posting this. I wasn't well last week, so time on the computer was lacking. I did get your reviews and messages though, and want to thank you for them. It was great seeing that people were enjoying this and wanted more. So here I am with that more :)**

Chapter 3

Castiel wasn't sure how long he'd been in the hospital. People had come and gone around him, but the 18-year-old just couldn't move. None of this made sense. Why had it happened to Dean? The guy was trying to turn his life around, and all he got was some drunk truck driver plowing into the side of him.

They were now ignoring the only-two-person rule, as more and more people wanted to see how Dean was doing. Ash had come and gone. Jo was hanging around coming in and out now and then. Even Victor and Kevin had come, along with other members of Dean's former football team.

During all this, Castiel had found out all the events of the night before. While Dean had some alcohol still left in his system, it wasn't enough for the police to believe he was at fault. It was the truck driver, who had been four times over the limit and was currently somewhere in the hospital recovering from his own injuries. The guy had gotten away with a concussion and broken nose, unlike Dean who was clinging onto his life. All Castiel wanted to do was take his anger out on this truck driver, but he didn't want to leave Dean's side.

"You need to pull through this, Dean," Castiel spoke softly. He was currently the only person in the room and sometimes he preferred this. It meant he could say everything he wanted and needed to his boyfriend, "You've gotta wake up. We all need you. Your mom and dad are going crazy right now. Your brothers and sister, well they don't know what to do. Sam's so upset and scared. I'm scared...I...I don't want to lose you, Dean."

It was ridiculous how love worked. He'd only known Dean for eight months, but he was already completely in love with the guy. He wanted a life with this boy—no, man. Dean was a man. He thought he was in love with him from the minute he saw him. No matter how much of a douche Dean was, Castiel was constantly drawn to him. He still remembered that first moment.

 _Castiel had been writing in a notebook, jotting down something that he'd need to remember later, when the door to his room opened. When he'd got to school, he quickly realized that he was sharing a room with a new guy. It wasn't often that someone came to the school in the senior year, which mean the guy could possibly be trouble, and that attracted Castiel._

 _When he looked to the door to see the blonde-haired god, Castiel swallowed hard. He couldn't believe he was going to share a room with this guy for his last year at St. Benedicts. Two years ago, Castiel had finally decided he was bisexual, and it was because of guys like this D. Winchester as the room door had said his name was._

" _I am Castiel." Castiel introduced himself, placing the notebook on his desk and going to shake the hand of the god. When the boy didn't take it, Castiel turned his attention to who he assumed was the guy's parents. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see the boy looking uncomfortable. That wasn't too surprising, especially if this was his first boarding school._

 _He stepped back away from the family, as the two parents said goodbye to their son. It was clear they were upset and disappointed that it had all come to this. Castiel listened into the conversation, to hear that the boy was called Dean and he'd been expelled from his previous school. So, he was definitely a trouble maker. Castiel couldn't help but feel turned on by that thought._

 _Rubbing his hand through his hair, he turned his back on the family and placed his notebook in his desk drawer. He couldn't think of his roommate like that. For one, this guy was likely as straight as he could be. Two, one of the worst things you could do was get with your roommate. He'd heard of it happening to others, and there was always tension and problems when the couple broke up. It just wasn't worth the hassle._

 _Once the two parents had gone, Castiel felt more comfortable talking to his new roommate, "I hope you don't mind. I chose this bed."_

 _He watched as Dean shrugged his shoulders, and threw his own bad onto his new bed for the year. Castiel couldn't help but watch this new guy while he unpacked. He was admiring his whole form, and realized that he had to work out to look like that. That wasn't good. That would mean he was a jock, and he'd fit right in with Castiel's biggest enemy._

 _But then he remembered about the expulsion. Maybe he wasn't a jock and just liked to stay fit for other reasons, "So, you were expelled. Why were you expelled?"_

" _One too many fights," Dean laughed, his voice low and gravelly. It was difficult to get a conversation going with him, and Castiel couldn't figure out why. Was it because Dean was uncomfortable about being in a new school or did he sense something from Castiel? He was never overly good with interacting with new people, "So, your parents already gone back home?"_

 _Castiel should have known that the discussion of his parents would come up. While it had been almost four years, it still hurt to think about his mom, "My mom died when I was 14. My dad left when I was a baby. My older brother took me in, but I get back home to here on my own."_

 _He didn't really want to go too much into the details, and Dean wasn't going to ask them. The taller boy placed his hand on the back of his neck, rubbing it softly, quickly apologizing for his question. It was clear this boy was nervous, and Castiel smiled fondly. He didn't want Dean to feel uncomfortable, so quickly assured him that the question was okay. It was a normal question anyway, and it had been four years. He just wasn't used to people bringing it up, unless it was his biggest enemy trying to taunting him with it._

Their meeting had been cut short after Castiel's friends had returned from the summer break. But that first meeting had led to this. Dean's sincerity in his apology for asking about difficult subjects and the way he seemed to fit in easily with his friends had made Castiel like him from the beginning. It was like he'd seen the real Dean, before Zach Newns got his paws into him. That hellhound of a football captain just had to mess it all up.

Castiel rubbed his hand over the unplastered fingers of his boyfriend, a deep sigh leaving his lips, "I love you, Dean. I have for a long time."

The feeling of his phone vibrating interrupted Castiel from his thoughts and his one-sided conversation with Dean. It was the fifth or sixth time his phone had vibrated that day. While he'd been at the party, he'd been texting Benny telling him that Dean had actually come out of the closet to his friends.

He trusted Benny with that information, but his friend wasn't exactly too impressed. It had been too little too late for Benny. Dean had done far too much damage. But Benny was easier to talk to about all this than Speedy. He was the one that wasn't going to let Dean get away with the shit he'd done over the last eight months.

" _He's a dick, Castiel," Speedy said as the three friends sat in the hut. Castiel took a deep drag of the cigarette in his hand, trying to ignore one of his two best friends. He could see Benny out of the corner of his eye, agreeing with Speedy's statement, "I really don't know what you see in him. I get that you're his roommate, but he's just another jock and he'll just hurt you."  
_

" _He's trying to figure a lot out." Castiel defended Dean for what felt like the 100_ _th_ _time just that day. He regularly found himself using that excuse. He'd confided in them about the kiss after Dean had blasted it around the school. He'd also confided in his feelings for Dean, and how they weren't healthy for him._

" _He seemed to have it figured out when he had his hands down your pants." Speedy pointed out, making Benny raise his eyebrows._

" _Hands down your pants, brother?"_

 _Castiel ran a hand through his messy black hair, wishing he could steer the conversation away from it all. But it wasn't possible. Speedy had caught Castiel and Dean together, and it just had to lead to this conversation._

" _You'll end up hurt, Cas," Speedy sighed, as Castiel refused to talk about it, "He even admitted that to me that night I caught you both. He knows he's bad news, so why don't you see it?"_

" _Maybe I want bad news?" Castiel shrugged his shoulders, "Have you ever thought of that? Maybe I don't want safe and normal. It's not like I know safe and normal."_

That wasn't the first time he'd admitted that he wanted what Dean could offer—the danger and the uncertainty.

 _As soon as they'd got back from being suspended, Speedy and Benny were in their room. They just had to welcome them back. It was getting to the point where his friends were slowly accepting Dean into their circle again. Well, they would do if Dean wanted to be a part of it. Of course, Dean just had to go back to football. He just had to be one of the jocks._

 _By now they all understood why football was so important for Dean. Castiel was secretly impressed that Dean was putting his college future in front of everything, but it didn't mean that his actions could be completely justified._

" _Dean has his friends and I have mine." Castiel told his friends, disappointment clear in his voice, but that was just the way it had to be right now._

" _He's a jerk around those guys, brother." Benny couldn't help but point out, and then Speedy just had to come in with a remark about how Dean was a jerk anyway._

" _Now would be the perfect time for him to tell them." Speedy was on about Dean coming out of the closet. It turned out that there was still a rumor going around the school about the two of them being caught down in the hut in less than straight circumstances. Castiel couldn't help but inwardly groan. This would ruin Dean's chance of a future._

 _He didn't care about the rumor about him, but he did care about Dean's future, "I guess we better stop that rumor."_

" _Why do you care about the rumor?" Speedy asked, "Dean could come out. You two could actually be together. You know, it would stop us thinking of him as the jerk that he is."_

" _Do you really think it's that easy?" Castiel asked, laughing as he thought back to the fight the night before. He'd seen how someone had reacted to seeing Dean. Granted, this was a guy who hated Dean, but he could just imagine how the football players would react if Dean came out of the closet. He couldn't do it, "What about his future?"  
_

" _And what about you?" Speedy asked, "He acts like you're nothing around him. How the fuck can you put up with him?"_

" _Because I know what college means to him," Castiel shouted back, "I know what football means to him. And I also know what he's like when he's not around anyone else."_

" _Is that really enough?" Benny asked, concern in his brown eyes. Castiel was thankful for the softer way he'd asked the question. Benny wasn't threatening or hateful. He was just concerned._

" _It is right now." Castiel nodded._

And it was at the time. It would have still been okay. He'd stopped bringing up the idea of Dean coming out of the closet. In fact, the night before was Dean's decision to finally come out to his friends, and the real ones did accept him.

Feeling the vibration in his pocket again, Castiel was pulled out of his thoughts. This vibration continued and Castiel quickly pulled the phone out to check it. Benny was calling, possibly getting worried about him. He'd had to take this but he really didn't want to leave Dean alone.

"You go take that," Jo said from the door, making Castiel jump out of his skin. He hadn't heard anyone else come in, "Sam and I will keep him company for ya."

"Thanks, Jo," Castiel gave a quick nod before kissing Dean on the bandaged forehead, "I'm not leaving you for long. I love you."

As Castiel walked out of the room, he glanced over at the waiting area. Charlie and Adam were sitting playing on their handheld video game consoles, while John tapped his foot nervously. It hadn't looked like he'd moved a lot since a few hours ago, despite being in and out of the room to check on Dean. Mary was sitting with Ellen, who was here to drop Jo off and offer comfort to the mother of four.

The phone starting to vibrate again alerted Castiel to the reason he was back out of the room. Quickly rushing down the hallway, Castiel answered the call once he was sure enough he wouldn't get in trouble for it.

"Hey, Benny, sorry," Castiel breathed hard, walking towards a windowsill to sit down, "I've been...I've been busy."

"I was getting worried, brother," Benny admitted, "You didn't text me back after saying Dean had taken off. Everything okay? He's not being a dick again, is he?"

Castiel couldn't really answer that question. He thought back to the last text that he'd sent Benny. It was just after the fight with Michael and the hit that Jo had taken. Dean had taken off and Castiel had let his friend know that he'd text him later. Later hadn't come yet. By that point, Dean had been admitted to the hospital and Castiel hadn't left his side once he'd built up the courage to see him.

The tightness in his chest had returned, but not the deafening blood in his ears. Castiel could still hear Benny on the other side of the phone, "Damn it, Cas, if you don't start talking I'm coming to get ya. What's going on?"

Finally, the dam broke. Castiel couldn't help but let the tears flood out, as his breathing quickened. His sobs were loud, as he feared that he'd never be able to stop crying.

"Cas?" Benny had never heard Castiel like this. It wasn't fair on the guy to break down like this, but Castiel needed it, "Castiel? Damn it, where are ya and I'll come and get you? Then I'll beat the crap outta..."

"No, you can't." Castiel cried.

"I'm fed up of him treating you like crap," Benny shouted, the sound of him grabbing a set of keys could clearly be heard over the phone, "Now where are ya?"

Castiel wanted to tell Benny everything, but he couldn't do it over the phone. He needed him here. He needed the support; someone to talk to.

"Lawrence General," Castiel finally mumbled, making Benny freak out even more, "I'm at Lawrence General. ICU."

"What the fuck? I'm right there and I'm gonna kill him."

Before Castiel could say anything, Benny hung up on him. Castiel couldn't even tell him that he wasn't the one in the hospital; he was just visiting. He knew how it must have sounded, but he needed his best friend there. He'd explain once Benny got to him.

"Cas?" John's voice was faint over Castiel's desperate, painful sobs. Castiel could barely tell that the man was there. It was only when John wrapped his arms around the teenager that Cas was well aware of him, "Hey, hey...let it all out."

And then John did something that Castiel didn't expect. John broke down, too. They both hugged on the windowsill of the hospital and cried together.

* * *

 **I know this story is a slow one to start with but I do have a lot more to share. I'll get the next chapter up on Friday to get back to normal posting. Please R &R to let me know what you think. In the last story, people wanted to see Castiel's POV, so that's what I'm doing in this one. Sharing his memories.  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you again for all the feedback and support. I'm sorry I've been quiet and unable to respond to everyone. I'm still not fully recovered from being ill. Getting there though!**

 **Here's the next chapter though to enjoy...**

Chapter 4

It didn't take long for the two men to stop crying. John stepped back from the teenager, looking uncomfortable about the show of emotion. Castiel wiped his tears with both his hands.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, but John cut him off.

"Don't be sorry for your feelings, Cas," John shook his head, "But we better get back, huh? Mary will be wondering where we are."

Castiel let a little smile break his lips, as he nodded his head. The walk back to the ICU waiting area was in silence, but Castiel finally felt like he was part of this family. He felt wanted and welcome. John made him feel accepted. If only it hadn't taken something like this to happen for him to feel like this.

After the talk with Benny, Castiel decided it was best to stay out of the room for now. Besides, Jo and Sam deserved some time with Dean, too. While they'd been ignoring the two to the room only rule, the doctors weren't happy with it. They'd been encouraged to keep the large groups to a minimum. It didn't help when so many people wanted to see the popular teenager. There were people who Castiel didn't even know in the waiting room.

"Cas, this is Uncle Bobby," Adam grinned, pointing to the bearded man wearing a padded body warmer, ripped jeans and a baseball cap, "And this is Aunt Jody. She's the sheriff."

Castiel looked at the two that Adam were introducing to him, and held out his hand for them to shake. Jody grinned, taking her hands out of the pockets of her uniform. Even had Adam not told Cas that she was the sheriff, he would have guessed, "Well, it's nice to finally meet this elusive Cas. Mary's told us all about you."

"There's not much to tell." Castiel shook his head, making Jody smile softly.

"If you can help stop Dean from getting into too much trouble, there's plenty to tell," Jody shrugged her shoulders, "I'd love to know your secret because I tried for two years."

"Well, I clearly didn't keep him out of that much trouble." Castiel pointed to the comatose Dean in the room. The smile dropped from Jody's face, as she mumbled something about her worry about him ending up like that. Bobby took her hand, before patting Castiel on the shoulder.

"He didn't cause this," Bobby said, "I'm surprised John hasn't gone to beat up the guy who did cause it."

"He tried," Mary joined the three of them, "The truck driver was discharged before John could get there."

"He's now locked up behind bars until we decide what we're charging him with," Jody sighed, "It all depends on whether Dean pulls through this."

Castiel quietly excused himself from the talking adults, so he could sit down and wait for his friend. He knew that Benny would keep his word and get there. He didn't live too far away.

It did take longer than he expected, though. When two guys ran through the corridors to the waiting area, Castiel realized why. Benny had gone for backup in the form of Speedy. Great, now he was going to have to explain to the two of them.

"Where the fuck is he?" Speedy shouted, not caring that he was disrupting the other people waiting in the area. Castiel quickly glanced over at Mary and John, before getting up and pushing his friends down the corridor, so they could talk in private, "What the fuck? You're okay? You're walking around? Benny..."

"You said you were in the ICU." Benny's eyes were full of uncertainty and anger. He looked around, and Castiel knew that it was all dawning on him. The tears weren't because Dean had physically hurt him. Dean hadn't hurt him at all. Dean was the one in ICU, "Oh, shit! I'm...damn it. What happened?"

Castiel felt the dam break again. He just burst into tears, feeling the strong arms of his friend wrap around him. He couldn't look into either of their eyes, but he could cry into Benny's shoulder, gripping the back of his jacket tight. It was like he was clinging onto Benny for dear life. As Benny's hands gripped him tight, one of Speedy's hands rested on the top of his head.

"What happened?" Benny's voice was now calm, "Where's Dean?"

It took some time for Castiel to calm down, but he finally felt the pressure lift from his chest. He was able to talk about it, "Dean was in a...a car accident...last night. He...he's in the room...I don't think he's gonna make it."

Castiel now looked at his two friends, seeing the sadness and shock in their eyes. This wasn't what they were expecting when they heard that Castiel was in the hospital and waiting in the ICU. Part of Cas wondered whether the two of them wanted Dean to be the one walking around so they could relieve some anger towards him out on the culprit.

"What happened?" Speedy now asked, clearly the thing that both wanted to know. Castiel sat down on a chair, waiting for his friends to sit down with him. Benny took a seat, but Speedy crouched down, ready to get up in a second's notice.

"I don't know fully. No-one really does," Castiel explained, "There was a drunk driver. Hit Dean and he's...he's in a coma. Doctors aren't sure when he'll wake up. At the moment, they're waiting for the swelling in his brain to go down. But he's messed up; all of this is messed up."

"He's in a coma?" Benny's eyes widened, as everything sunk in.

"Well, may be deserves..." Speedy started, but both Castiel and Benny glared at him. This wasn't the time to bring up just how much of a jerk Dean could be.

"He came out last night," Castiel said in a small voice, "To his friends from his old school. Told 'em all. Told his parents at the start of the week. God, we were getting on the right path. Yeah, there was still the whole baby issue but..."

"Baby issue?" Speedy asked, taken aback. Castiel suddenly realized that he was ranting about things that he hadn't told his friends about before. He'd kept Lisa's pregnancy a secret all this time for Dean. Put up with his friends hating the fact that he and Dean were sleeping together again, despite the way Dean had acted over the last few months.

"What baby issue?" Benny now asked, "You and Meg?"

"No, Dean and his ex," Castiel shook his head, "Dean got her pregnant and, well, things were a little messed up. But we were working through them. Everything that got thrown at us, we were working through it. You know, I finally got to know why Dean has all these anger issues, too. Everything was getting on track. There was hope for us, ya know."

"And then this happens." Benny nodded, looking over at the crowd of people in the waiting room. Castiel glanced over, seeing eyes glancing at the three of them now and then. They were all clearly wondering who these two newcomers were, especially as they stormed in shouting the place down.

"Shit." Was all that Speedy could say, as everything sunk in.

"But he told everyone? His parents know you and him..." Benny started, and then smiled when Castiel nodded his head. It looked like Dean Winchester wasn't quite the jerk that he'd been over the last eight months. Castiel looked up to see Jo and Sam walk out of the room. While Sam walked back over to his family, Jo spotted Castiel with Benny and Speedy and grinned, walking over.

"Any change?" Castiel asked, trying not to fill himself with hope. He realized that there had been a little too much when Jo's shake of the head deflated him so much. Leaning forward on his knees, he ran a hand through his messy dark hair.

"I'm Benny," Benny now introduced himself, trying to ease the situation, "This is Speedy..."

"Cole." Speedy interrupted, holding his hand out for Jo to take it. She did, but Castiel could see that it was half-heartedly.

"Friends of Castiel?" Jo asked, looking between them and then at Cas. He nodded his head, not daring to speak right now. There were just too many emotions running through him right now, "I'm Jo, Dean's friend."

"Winchester has friends?" Speedy frowned, earning a glare from Castiel. Of course his boyfriend had friends. He wasn't a dick to everyone. Jo seemed to feel uneasy about the conversation and stood up.

"Yeah, he has friends. A lot of them." With that, she walked away, joining Dean's family as they stayed with each other during this time.

"Sorry, I guess..." Speedy mumbled, but Castiel shook his head with a loud sigh.

"You know it's not me, now," he said, standing and walking towards the door, "You two can go if you're just gonna talk crap about him. I'll see you both later."

"Hey, we're staying," Benny shook his head, "At least I am. You need someone, Cas."

"I'll be fine." Castiel shook his head, walking back into the room to see his boyfriend. He just had to hope that all this would work out.

 _Castiel looked into the green eyes of his boyfriend, just minutes after receiving his first blow job from him. It was better than he could ever expect from a man who had never given one before. He had to admit that he was shocked to receive it, though. Dean had made it very clear that he wasn't comfortable with going much further in their relationship yet._

" _Don't do something that you don't want to do, Dean. I'm not going to rush you in this."_

" _But you still want me to tell others," Dean's voice was laced with distaste and anger. Castiel sighed, as he climbed off his boyfriend and started putting his clothes back on. He was a hypocrite, he knew that right now, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it..."_

" _You did, and you're right," Castiel didn't want Dean to deny feelings that he had. It wouldn't be fair to ask him to do that. He was angry and upset, and had every right. But that didn't mean he didn't hate this whole situation, "If you can't have sex with me because you think it's too perverted, why should I expect you to tell anyone that you're making out with me."_

 _That hit a nerve with Dean, and Castiel was secretly good. He wanted to see how far he could push this, to get to the bottom of what was really bothering the two of them in this relationship, "Hey! I don't think it's perverted. I just...I'm not comfortable doing it. I can imagine it but I don't feel comfortable right now. I don't like the idea of your dick up my ass."_

" _Then put yours up mine!" Castiel shouted back, turning around and running his hair through his dark locks. He knew how bad that sounded, but he wasn't sorry for it, "I've already said you can." It was only recently they'd had this conversation. Castiel knew that Dean wouldn't want to play bottom, at least for a while. He was still coming to terms with all this._

" _And eventually you'll wanna do it the other way," Dean sighed, "I just can't do that right now. I don't know if I'll ever be able to."_

" _Fine," Cas shrugged his shoulders, "I really don't care if you decide that you always want me to bottom. That's fine by me. I just want to be with you, Dean. I want to go all the way with you and I know you do want it too. You're scared, and I get that. But I want you. I love you!"_

 _The words were flying out of his mouth before he could stop them. This wasn't how he'd wanted to tell his boyfriend. In fact, he wasn't sure he ever wanted to tell him right now. Yes, he may have loved Dean, but it wasn't something Dean wanted to hear. It would ruin everything._

" _What?" Dean's eyes grew wide at the admission. Castiel shook his head, his heart racing at the knowledge he'd just said those three words. And just as he expected, Dean was panicking. Trying to get out of this situation, Castiel rushed out of the bedroom towards the front door. He just needed to get out. Dean was a lot quicker though, and was at the front door before Castiel could even imagine reaching it._

" _Dean, don't." Castiel shook his head, but he wasn't able to get around._

" _You what?" Dean asked again, looking into Cas' eyes, "You love me?"  
_

" _Don't start, okay?" Cas sighed, "I shouldn't have said it."_

" _How the fuck could you love me, Cas?"_

" _See, here we go. You're gonna start taking the piss now."_

" _No, I'm really not," Dean shook his head, "I don't take the piss about something like that. How the fuck could you love me. One, we've only been together for a few months. Two, we've been together in secret. And three, I'm a jackass. You shouldn't love me."_

" _Maybe I shouldn't, but I do," Cas shouted back. How was he supposed to control his heart? He'd felt himself falling for Dean for weeks now, "And I know that I shouldn't have said anything to you, but that's why I can't quite just let you go. That's why I'm letting you be with me when you can't even tell the world that you're bi. I…I love you, Dean Winchester."_

 _Castiel waited for Dean to do or say something that would clarify that he was the jackass Castiel's friends kept telling him he was. But it never happened. Dean just seemed lost for words and then decided to act instead. Suddenly, Castiel was pulled towards Dean, and they were kissing hard and passionately._

 _They should stop. Castiel knew that, and part of him wanted to. Dean was just acting out, because he didn't know what else to do. But before he could push Dean away, a hand came up to his head and started messing with his hair. Then his head was pulled backwards, exposing the flesh on his neck. Dean's lips instantly went there, and all Castiel could do was lean into the feelings. He was getting turned on like crazy, "Dean..."_

 _Castiel couldn't do or say anything, though. Dean quickly captured his mouth into a kiss again, his hands dropping to the hem of his t-shirt. Castiel's hands now moved up to Dean's shoulder's resting on them as he felt a tug at his t-shirt. Dean wanted him out of it, and Castiel wasn't going to argue. Lifting his arms, Castiel let Dean strip him from his top and move them back towards the bedroom._

 _They continued to kiss as Dean led them both back through the hallway of the apartment. The next thing Castiel knew, his back was up against a door. Whether it was his bedroom door or not, he wasn't sure. He was just letting Dean lead the way, go as far as he was comfortable._

 _When Dean rubbed his growing erection against Castiel's leg, the whole worry about telling him that he loved him went out of the window. His own erection grew, as he thought about the things that Dean could do to him right now. He thought about the things he'd love to do to Dean right now._

 _Dean's fingers interlocked with his own, as his lips went to his neck and then ear, nibbling on the lobe. Castiel moaned, just as Dean asked whether he had lube. The whisper was seductive and low, but Castiel had clearly made out the words. As hard as he was and as much as he wanted that, he froze. Had Dean really just hinted that he wanted to have sex?_

 _It seemed that Castiel hadn't answered in enough time, and now Dean was looking into his eyes, "I'm being serious. Do you have any or do I quickly need to go out?"_

" _I have some." Castiel nodded, with a gulp. Would Dean want to know why he had the lube? Hopefully not. Hopefully they could just get on with this again._

" _Good." Dean simple said, opening the bedroom door behind Castiel and then unfastening his jeans. Castiel felt himself being pushed onto the bed, so Dean could strip him out of his clothes and then take his own off. This was his chance to stop his boyfriend, but something told him that Dean wanted this. Castiel certainly did. His whole body was aching to feel Dean take their relationship that next step. But he did want to make sure, first._

 _"Dean, we don't..." Castiel started to speak, but Dean was quickly on top of him, kissing him hard. He made it very clear that he was very much into this, especially when he told him to get the lube. Castiel didn't move as their erections rubbed together. All he could do was moan at the intimate feeling._

" _Get it." Dean ordered. Dean was clearly nervous about the whole thing, but he soon got into a rhythm with his fingers first. Dean's mouth was back around his hard member, and all Castiel could do was run a hand throw his dirty blonde hair as a finger pushed into his tight entrance._

 _Dean stopped moving his fingers for some reason, so Castiel encouraged him to add more. To show that he really wanted it, he bent one of his legs. It didn't take long for Dean to add a second finger, making Castiel moan out loud. He'd had partners before, but he didn't remember it feeling like this. Granted, his last partner was a girl and Meg didn't like doing stuff like this. The guy before her was Garth and they were both working things out together._

 _Castiel rubbed his hand through Dean's hair again, as he started to widen his hole. He was getting ready for Dean's cock, and Castiel couldn't wait._

 _Castiel just watched as Dean leaned back on his knees, covering his cock with lube, "Are you ready?"_

" _Yeah, Dean," he just nodded, lifting both his legs up. Dean leaned forward and Castiel wrapped his legs around him, encouraging him to push right in. The feeling was breathtaking for Castiel. His back arched, and he couldn't help but call out his boyfriend's name._

 _Dean stopped again, and all Castiel could do was moan at the lack of movement. He wanted more. He wanted it all. It wasn't going to take long for Castiel to come. He could already feel the pleasure building, especially as Dean got the perfect angle to hit his prostate. And then his right hand reached in between them and Dean was jacking him off while pounding in and out of him._

" _Oh God." Castiel moaned, back arching at the extra pleasure. He wasn't sure how long he was going to last. In fact, he wasn't going to last, "I'm gonna come."_

 _Just as he said it, his salty seed spurted all over their stomachs and chests and Dean's hand. After a guttural moan, Dean then pushed deep and hard inside of Castiel. He could feel Dean's cock twitching as it released his own seed inside of them. With a groan, Dean collapsed on top of Castiel, not caring that their bodies were covered in Castiel's mess._

 _It had been an amazing first time for them, at least that's what Castiel thought. It was a memory that Castiel was going to take to the grave with him. While Dean hadn't said that he loved him, there was clearly something between them. He cared for him, and he wouldn't forget that. That was the moment that Castiel knew that he would never be able to deny Dean anything._

"Please pull out of this, Dean," Castiel wiped away the tears as he thought about their first time together. There'd been plenty of other nights together, but there was just something magical about that first time.

Now that he was sat by Dean's bedside again, all Castiel could do was think about the past. He wasn't sure why that memory came to him, but it did. Maybe it was because it was the first time that Castiel had ever said he loved Dean. And that's all he felt right now. He just wanted Dean to open his eyes, so Castiel could say that he loved him.

The sound of the door opening stopped Castiel thinking any more. He looked up, now that he was facing the door, to see a brunette girl walk in. Judging by the swollen, pregnant belly, he guessed this teenager was Lisa, but he wasn't going to assume.

"Oh God!" the girl put her hand to her mouth, tears in her eyes forming as she looked down at Dean, "I...God, Dean! What the fuck did you do?"

"It wasn't him," Castiel frowned, "He was...he wasn't the one who caused the accident."

The girl nodded her head, looking between Castiel and Dean. She then frowned, her dark eyes glaring at Castiel more, "You're him. The guy...the one Michael saw Dean with."

"I'm Castiel." He said, not really wanting to confirm or deny anything right now. He didn't want Dean's friends thinking anything bad about him, not that being bisexual was anything to be ashamed of.

"Yeah, I heard it was a weird name," the girl shook her head, "Sorry, that was me being a bitch. Fucking hormones, you know.. My name's Lisa. I guess he told you about me. Or has he been living a double life with you? Because I gotta say, I never expected to hear that he was gay. Never expected to hear that he was with a guy."

She sat down on the only other chair, not taking her eyes off Castiel. He wasn't even sure what to say to her. All he could do was nod his head. At least his own suspicions were cleared. This was Lisa; the pregnant ex-girlfriend.

"You don't say much, huh?" Lisa chuckled, looking over at Dean, "Maybe that's why he likes you so much. I used to annoy him because I wouldn't shut up at times. Like when I kicked him out and told him I wanted him to have nothing to do with his kid. It is his, by the way. There was never anyone else while I was sleeping with—sorta dating—him."

"He thought—thinks—that," Castiel nodded. He refused to think of his boyfriend in the past tense. Dean wasn't gone yet. He was right here in front of him, "There was some doubt. Michael—I think that was the guy last night—said something..."

"Yeah, he spouts his mouth off," Lisa nodded her head, "I'm not going into it. It's none of your business, but this kid is definitely Dean's. I really wish I didn't say the crap I did to him, now. I shouldn't have."

Lisa stopped talking, rubbing her hand on her belly. Closing her eyes, Castiel just watched as tears ran down her cheeks, "Dean, you need to wake up. Your boy is kicking like crazy. He wants to meet you. I'm sorry for what I said. I really am."

It didn't take long for Lisa to get up and leave. Castiel and Dean were alone in the room again, "See, you gotta wake up, handsome. You've got a kid, a boyfriend and family all waiting for you. Don't leave it too long, huh?"

* * *

 **I know some people want a Sleeping Beauty moment in the hospital, but I'm going to say that that isn't going to happen. It's not that I don't like Sleeping Beauty, but I just think it's too cliche. I've already got plans on how the end of Dean's coma is going to come...whether he wakes up or not...well, I'll let you wonder for now.  
**

 **Please R &R. I'd love to know what you think. I just had to give Lisa and Castiel a chance to meet.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi everyone. Thanks again for all the support for this chapter. I'm really glad that most of you don't think it's going too slow. I know there are a few questions over what's going to happen to Dean...over time you'll find out. In fact, it should be coming up in the next couple of chapters.**

 **Right now, it's time for Castiel to go back to school because life just doesn't stop for others around coma patients :(**

Chapter 5

Two days later, Dean still hadn't woken up and it was time for Castiel to go back to school. John had offered to drive him back, but Castiel said that he would be fine getting the train. In the end, they'd compromised with Benny coming to pick Castiel up and taking him back. It was the least he could do after causing that small scene in the hospital two days ago.

Castiel remained sat by Dean's bedside, Jo and Sam also in the room. He just didn't really want to leave. He didn't want Dean to think that he was all alone. Sure, his family was here. He had friends waiting for him, but Castiel wasn't going to be here. What if Dean woke up and Castiel wasn't here? What if he thought that everything that had happened had scared Castiel off? Would he think that Castiel didn't love him?

"Well, damn," Benny's voice pulled Castiel out of his thoughts. This had been the first time his friend had seen Dean in the hospital bed. Neither Benny or Speedy had stuck around to see Dean two days ago, happy to see that Castiel wasn't the one lying in the hospital bed, "I...he...is there any change?"

"Not yet," Sam shook his head, glaring at the newcomer, "Who you?"

"Benny. I'm here for Castiel," Benny looked over at his friend, a softness in his dark eyes, "You ready to go or you need a few more minutes?"

Castiel looked back down at Dean, before standing up. With a sigh, he leaned down to whisper into Dean's ear. His right hand caressed Dean's left cheek, as he spoke in a whisper so only Dean would be able to hear; that was if Dean was able to hear anything, "You pull out of this, okay? Fight for me, Dean. You are a fighter, and I know you can come back to me. I love you."

Castiel kissed Dean's bandaged forehead, before stepping back and looking at Benny. There was a sadness in his friend's brown eyes, and it wasn't just sympathy for Castiel. He was sad for Dean's situation, for the whole family, "Let's go, Benny."

Before Castiel could leave, Jo wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tight, "I'll keep you updated, Cas. As soon as he wakes, I'll be on the phone."

"Thank you, Jo," Castiel replied back, smiling at her optimism, "I'll be waiting for it."

Once Jo pulled away, Castiel was bombarded with Sam's scrawny frame. He hugged him tight, making it clear that Castiel was welcome back any time, "I'll make sure he knows you stayed as long as you could. He'd want you to get back to school."

"I know." Castiel nodded, pulled away from the younger brother of his boyfriend. Once he started following Benny out of the room, he was faced with more family members. He hadn't spoken to many of Dean's friends and family members, but his parents and brother and sister were clearly sad to see him go.

"You're welcome back anytime, Castiel," Mary smiled, making him feel more than welcome, "I've never seen Dean look at someone the way he looks at you."

Castiel's breathing started to speed up. The whole situation was suffocating him and he needed to get out. He pulled away from Mary, mumbling an apology before rushing out of the hospital. He didn't turn back when people called out for him, and just reached the end of the hallway, around the corner, before he started crying. It was all too much. All the emotion, especially the hope that Dean would pull through this. It was just far too much for him.

Once he went back to school, he knew he would have to pretend that all this hadn't happened. He'd have to pretend that he wasn't with Dean this week. That he hadn't spent the last two days by Dean's bedside. None of Dean's friends could know about it. None of the teachers could know the whole truth.

"Cas?" Benny said, placing a hand on Castiel's shoulder. Castiel slammed his hand on the windowsill of the hospital, letting out a sob.

"I hate this. I hate everything about this."

"I know," Benny sighed, squeezing his friend's shoulder, "C'mon, let's get out of here. Jo will call you. She seems like a cool girl."

"She is." Castiel nodded his head, rubbing his eyes. He could see the sympathetic looks that Benny was giving him. Maybe getting back to school would be better. He wouldn't have to put up with looks like this all the time. Only when he was with his friends. The rest of the school wouldn't know.

"What do you wanna tell the others?" Benny asked as they got closer to the school, "I mean, Speedy and I haven't said anything yet, brother. But you know the school will have found out."

"Just don't tell anyone I was there, please?" Castiel asked, "Not right now. I don't want them to know we were together. I don't want the looks, ya know."

Benny nodded his head, clearly not happy with the decision. But this wasn't Benny's decision to make. It was Castiel's and he wanted to avoid the sad looks as much as he could. He wanted to wait out the days until Dean came back to him. _If_ Dean came back to him.

As soon as he was back, Castiel went to his room. Locking the door, he looked at the unmade bed. The one that Dean had slept in.

 _It had been game night. The whole school as talking about the team's win, and more importantly the fight that broke out on the field. Castiel had watched the whole game, but wasn't surprised at Dean pretty much starting the fight. That guy had a major anger problem at times._

 _Figuring the guys would be partying, Castiel made his way back to his room early. He wanted to get some reading in before he had to deal with Dean back in the room. He just couldn't figure the guy out right now. He wasn't interested but was interested. He didn't like guys but did like guys. What the fuck was his deal?_

 _Hearing something from inside his room, Castiel frowned. There wasn't supposed to be anyone in there. Opening the door slowly, he could see Dean's naked ass in the air, brown legs wrapped around his waist. Closing his eyes, Castiel quickly closed the door quietly. The last thing he needed was for Dean and whoever the girl was—likely one of the cheerleaders from the sister school—to feel interrupted. Castiel would at least let them finish. To be honest, he was more embarrassed about walking in on them._

 _Castiel took a seat on the windowsill opposite the door, and waited patiently. There was nowhere else for him to go, and he doubted Dean and the girl would be too long._

 _It gave Castiel time to think, anyway. How was he going to play this? Was he going to be pissed with Dean? What right did he really have? Sure, he could be pissed that Dean was having sex in their room, but at least the guy was on his own bed. And it was_ their _room. This wasn't the first roommate he'd had who slept with girls from the sister school in the room._

 _Castiel could be pissed that Dean hadn't locked the door. That was reasonable. But then, Dean would likely be pissed off at himself for not doing that. And what the point in being pissed._

 _He knew that he was more pissed off at the idea of Dean just sleeping with some random girl. But then, Castiel had no claim on this guy. Dean was hot and cold when it came to something between them. And Dean was still trying to figure out his head, right? Castiel remembered what it was like to be this confused._

 _The sound of the bedroom door opening pulled Castiel out of his thoughts. He looked up to see the shocked expressions on the cheerleader and Dean. They obviously hadn't realized that Castiel had walked in on them._

" _Oh, hey Cas." Dean smiled, offering a small wave._

" _Dean." Castiel simply nodded his head, before walking into the bedroom. The whole room smelt like sex, and Castiel couldn't help but look over at the ruffled sheets on the bed._

Now the bed was completely bare. No smooth sheets, let alone ruffled ones. Dean had moved out of the room a long time ago. Well, it felt like a long time ago. Castiel still remembered how hurt and angry he'd felt hearing that Dean was moving out of the bedroom. He had to admit that he wasn't completely shocked, but it still hurt.

It had been just after Jo had called with the news of Lisa's pregnancy, just after Dean had found out that he was going to be a teenage dad. It had shaken him to the core, and Castiel knew that Dean was trying to do the best thing with the situation. Looking back, maybe Castiel should have taken the out. Called it off from Dean while he worked out what was going on with the kid. There was the chance that this whole mess now wouldn't have happened. Dean wouldn't have beaten up Michael at the party. He wouldn't have hit Jo accidentally. There wouldn't have been the drive at some stupid time in the morning, leading to the drunk truck driver plowing into him.

So much would have been different had Castiel decided not to get back with Dean. But how could he have done that when he loved Dean so much?

There were so many questions in his head right now. So many that he didn't have the answer to. At the same time, there were what ifs. What if they hadn't acted on their feelings? What if Castiel had stayed with Dean instead of going with Jo? What if they'd still talked for a few more minutes? What if...what if...

In a fit of rage, Castiel swung his arms across his desk. The desk lamp smashed on the floor, as books that he'd left behind before spring break scattered everywhere. He then started pounding into the desk, as hard as he could. Getting the frustration out was starting to help ease the pain and anger that he felt, but it still wasn't enough. It didn't get rid of the desperation and the sadness. The fear remained. The fear that he had lost _his_ Dean.

Castiel dropped to his knees and started crying hard. He didn't care if anyone else heard. He needed to get the tears out; needed to get it all out.

Banging on the door caught Castiel's attention, but he ignored it. He could hear Speedy on the outside, threatening to break down the door, but Castiel didn't want anyone. He just wanted to be left alone.

"Castiel!" Speedy shouted, "I swear to God, man. Open this fucking door, now."

But Castiel didn't. Instead, he curled up against the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest. Placing his head on his knees, he tried his hardest to block everything out. He just wanted to be alone.

* * *

 **These have been some of the hardest scenes I've written. I know you guys will feel like you're learning more about Castiel and his friends, and that's the way I've been writing it. I have basic ideas and backstories for them all, but it's only as I write that they really let me know what they feel and think. The end scene was one of the hardest up to this point.  
**

 **Please R &R. I'd love to hear what you think of this chapter.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi everyone. Thanks again for all the support. There were many reviews that I really wanted to reply to personally but I just haven't had the time recently. Work has been manic and I barely get a minute to myself. Please know that I do read every one of them, and love it when I see an email alert telling me there's one.**

 **It feels like so long since I've actually posted a chapter! Here's the next one, though for your entertainment.**

Chapter 6

The next day, there was an assembly for the whole school. Castiel hung at the back with his friends, as the principal announced the accident Dean had suffered. There were gasps around the room, everyone shocked at what they were hearing.

"Have you seen Zach?" Benny whispered, but Castiel refused to look up. He just kept his eyes trained to the floor, clenching his jaw so he wouldn't cry about it. He couldn't show weakness; couldn't out Dean to the school accidentally. Just because Dean had come out to his old school friends didn't mean he'd want his current teammates to know about his sexuality.

"Fuck, he actually looks upset." Speedy now whispered, chuckling to himself.

"Yeah, well he's not as much of a douche as we've been making him out to be." Castiel whispered, still not looking up. He could see his friends' expressions out of the corner of his eyes, but Castiel didn't explain. He just remembered the things that Dean had said about Zach keeping Lisa's pregnancy a secret.

"While Mr. Winchester only started at the school in September, he helped bring the football team to victory. I know he had a lot of friends here, and I'm sure his parents would appreciate a donation or any gifts that you would like to send. Those who would like to visit him can talk to Coach Harris about it. We will keep you updated as we know anything, but for now he remains in a coma at Lawrence General Hospital."

"I wonder what will happen to that beauty of a car." One of the kids in front of Castiel whispered, making Benny scoff at the remark. Castiel just started chuckling at the remark, thinking back to a conversation in the waiting room a day ago.

" _I've got the car back at the shop," John said, looking over at Bobby as they sat and waited. Castiel was taking a break from hearing the sound of the machines beep to tell him that Dean's heart rate and brain activity were stable, "Dean would never forgive me if I left it at the chop shop."_

" _John..." Bobby sighed, defeated. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes, as he looked across the waiting area to his best friend. But Bobby didn't continue. Just one look from John made Bobby shut up and nod his head, "Okay. You wanna work on it or is it for Dean when he wakes up?"_

" _I might get a start on it," John nodded, "But I gotta source all the parts first. There's not much salvageable from the crash. Even the engine is wrecked."_

 _Castiel curled in on himself. The way they spoke about the car made him think of Dean. How had he even survived the car crash if the car was so badly damaged?_

"That car would be all that Dean would think of." Castiel told his friends as they looked at him strangely for laughing.

As they were all let out of the assembly, Castiel could hear the football team talking. They were planning some trip to see Dean, and it made Castiel think. Did they actually care about their teammate? Was he a friend to them, despite Dean never saying they were his friends?

"What are you looking at fag?" Cain looked directly at Castiel, a disgusted look on his face, "He wouldn't want to see you. He got away from you as soon as he saw sense."

Castiel didn't say a word. If he did, he'd just end up outing Dean, and he kept promising himself that he wouldn't do that. Instead, he just walked away shaking his head. He could do without the football team's fag remarks.

Instead, he made his way to his first lesson early and sat at his desk. Physics used to be one of his favorite lessons, but now he knew it would be one of his worst. Looking behind him, he sighed at the empty desk. It would stay empty for the foreseeable. Nobody would sit at Dean's desk now.

 _Castiel walked into the room to see Dean standing against his desk, hands flat on the surface. He'd only been here for a day, and Castiel was already checking out the muscles that showed through his white school shirt. With the sleeves rolled up the way they were, Castiel could make out the biceps clearly._

 _He found himself having to swallow hard, as he bit his bottom lip. No, he had to stop thinking about this. Dean would run a mile if he found out what Castiel was thinking about right now._

" _How's your timetable looking?" Castiel asked, getting close to Dean. He was really only trying to check out the timetable, but he realized he'd made Dean uncomfortable. When the taller teen turned around, Castiel could see why. They were extremely close. Maybe too close for comfort, because Dean shuffled back against his desk as much as possible, handing out the sheet of paper._

 _Grinning, Castiel handed the sheet back, "We both have physics and English together."_

 _The small smile that formed on Dean's lips made Castiel feel good. He was smiling at the idea of them having the same classes together. Sure, it was likely because Dean was happy to have a friend in both classes, but it still made Castiel feel good. Dean was smiling because of him._

" _I can show you to physics after breakfast, if you want," Castiel offered, now stepping away from Dean in search for a towel in one of his under the bed drawers, "But first, I need to grab a shower." Castiel didn't hang around after that. He left the room, grinning from ear to ear. Dean was going to be in two of his classes this year._

"Pining over your missing crush?" Zach's voice pulled Castiel out of his thoughts. He just glared up at the quarterback, thinking about saying something back. But Zach wasn't worth it. Shaking his head, Castiel turned to look out of the window. The memories of him and Dean were coming thick and fast. He would think about the times they'd kiss, when they'd cuddle together in bed and even their little talks. Over the last week, Castiel had learned so much about Dean. He'd learned about his family, his past and his fears. Why did all this have to happen when they were clearly making some ground? By knowing more about his past, Castiel could understand more about why Dean acted the way he did.

"It makes you think, doesn't it?" one of the boys sitting in front of Castiel said to his friend as they both sat down, "One minute it's great and the next minute, poof. You cease to exist."

"He's not dead." Castiel glared at the boy in front of him. The way he spoke had really annoyed Castiel. People hadn't seen him in the hospital. Nobody had seen Dean fighting for his life hooked up to all those machines.

"What?" The boy turned, glaring at Castiel. Usually it would be enough to make Castiel back down for the time being, but he was too annoyed at some of the conversations going on.

"He's not dead," he repeated, "That cease to exist comment. He still exists. He's lying in a hospital connected to machines keeping him alive. He's in a fucking coma, you dick."

Before anyone could say anything else, the teacher walked into the room calling the class to attention. Castiel just leaned back in his chair, twiddling with his pencil, wishing he could just get out of here. Glancing back, he saw a smirk on Zach's face, as if he knew just how Castiel felt about Dean. He didn't care about himself, though. As long as Zach hadn't worked out Dean's feelings for Cas, that was fine.

* * *

Castiel sat on the floor of the abandoned hut, taking a drag of his cigarette. He was going to have to get off campus later that day already. He couldn't believe how many he'd gone through over the course of the last few hours. Every chance he got, he lit up as a way to keep his nerves calm.

"He's getting moved out of ICU, so I guess that's a good thing, right?" Jo's voice said with some hope on the other side of the phone. Castiel kept his elbow on his knee, holding the phone to his ear, "Cas, you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm still here," Castiel sighed, "Is there any change in his brain activity?"

"Not yet," she admitted, "But they wouldn't move him if they still thought he was critical, would they? I don't know how doctors think."

"Probably not, unless they're just running out of space in the ICU," Castiel shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't sure, either. He didn't really want to think about it; didn't want to build the hope inside of him. The last thing he wanted was to hope that Dean was getting better, only for it all to crash and burn. Only a good change in brain activity or Dean opening his eyes would help give Castiel some hope right now, "How's everyone holding up?"

"John is back to work. He's not great with his emotions and likes to keep himself busy. Sam, Adam and Charlie are back at school. Mary sticks to the hospital as much as she can."

Castiel expected to hear all that. From just spending a few days with them, he could tell how they'd all react. Adam and Charlie were worried but as kids they were strangely optimistic. They thought their big brother would wake up soon, maybe because of the way that Mary and John talked about Dean. Sam was the one who was the most worried, the least optimistic. While he tried to think of _when_ there was always the odd _if_ that slipped through when talking about Dean waking up.

"How are you holding up?" Castiel now asked, just as Benny and Speedy, along with a few other of the guys walked into the hut. Benny pointed to the phone, hope in his brown eyes, but Castiel shook his head.

"I'm...I'm not sure, Cas," Jo laughed humorlessly, "I've spent the last two years scared that he was gonna turn into this guy I never knew and end up behind bars for the rest of his life. Right now, I'd rather have that than what's happened. Dean didn't deserve this. Sure, he could be a jackass but..."

"He's a loveable jackass." Castiel laughed, remembering Jo saying that before. It seemed to be a thing between the two best friends. Once his friends got settled, Castiel said his goodbyes, with Jo promising to call if there was any change. He knew she'd stick to her promise, but it didn't stop him from calling her. He needed someone to talk to, someone not in the school, and Jo was becoming that person for him. They were becoming each other's person during this time.

"Any change?" Benny asked, his face dropping as Castiel shook his head.

"They're moving him out of the ICU, but there's no change anywhere else." Castiel explained, finishing off his cigarette and pulling out the packet again. He took the last one out, throwing the packet in the middle of the floor.

"How many you smoked?" Speedy now asked, concern in his eyes.

"Fuck knows," Castiel shrugged his shoulders, "That was almost a full packet when I got here yesterday."

Lighting up the cigarette, Castiel went back to smoking. He didn't miss the looks that his friends gave each other, knowing they were worried about him. This wasn't something he wanted right now. He wanted things to go back to normal.

"The whole school has gone crazy over this," Teapot now said, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had formed between the group, "Fuck knows why that jerk was loved by so many. Did they not realize what he could be like?"

"He wasn't that bad." Castiel sighed.

"He made your life a misery when you shared a room, Castiel," Teapot argued, "I don't know why you're so bothered. It wasn't like he shared any of the feelings you had."

Castiel shook his head, looking at Benny and then Speedy. Only they knew about the relationship he and Dean had. Only they knew where he'd spent spring break. Teapot didn't know a thing, and Castiel didn't want to say anything to make him believe any different. He just couldn't do that to Dean.

But Dean wasn't here, was he? Dean was lying in a hospital bed, with machines keeping him alive. Dean may never get back to the school, so what would it matter if the school found out about their relationship. Even if Dean did wake up, there was only two months of the school year left. What would it matter? And Castiel could trust his friends, right?

"He did." Castiel finally said, earning shocked, confused and guilty looks from his different friends.

"Did what?" Garth asked, narrowing his eyes. Garth had an idea that something was going on, but hadn't asked anything. That was just the type of friend he was.

"He did share the feelings I had," Castiel mumbled, "I was with him over spring break. He fucking came out to his parents just last week."

"What!" Teapot raised his eyebrows, and then looked around at the friends. Benny and Speedy's expressions made it very clear they knew that Castiel and Dean had been a thing, "You and Winchester? He's a fucking dick, Castiel."

"He could be great when on his own," Castiel shrugged his shoulders, "He was a jerk at times and he knew it. But he could be sweet, honest and fuck was he good in bed...is he good in bed..."

"He's gonna love you telling people this." Benny laughed, taking a drag of his own cigarette.

"Yeah, well I'm fed up of hiding it," Castiel sighed, "Especially to you guys. It's time you guys knew, but do not spread this around the school. Don't let the football team know about it yet. They'd probably think I was screwing around with them anyway, trying to destroy Dean's name or something. I'm not."

"Were you in the crash, too?" Garth now asked, frowning at the lack of injuries.

"No, I was with one of his friends at the time it happened," Castiel shook his head, "Something had happened at a party and Dean had taken off. Jo was giving me a lift back to Dean's when it all happened. I keep...keep thinking that there may have been something I could have done, ya know? Maybe if I'd kept him from driving off just an extra minute or if I'd been in the car and saw what was going on..."

"You could be in the same place as Dean right now." Speedy sighed, not looking at his friend. Castiel nodded his head. He could have been in the same place, but he could have also helped prevent it from happening.

"So, Dean Winchester was gay," Teapot laughed, "No wonder he was a fucking dick. Probably hiding it from the team."

"He had to," Benny agreed with Teapot, "Needed football to get into college."

Everyone except Speedy and Castiel now looked at Benny in shock. It was clear that a few of them knew a lot more about Castiel's relationship with Dean than the others. As they continued to talk, sometimes getting the conversation away from Dean, Castiel just sat and thought. The last semester had been about getting Dean into college and trying to work out how to handle his unborn kid. Now, all that planning, all that work was for nothing.

Sometimes life really dealt out a crappy hand, and Dean Winchester seemed to be getting them all thrown at him. It just wasn't fair.

* * *

 **These chapters have been really difficult to write just to get the emotions right. I want to show that Castiel is loyal but he wants people to stop badmouthing Dean, when Dean isn't there to defend himself.  
**

 **Please R &R, I'd love to read what you think.**


	7. Chapter 7

**I want to thank everyone again for the continued support with this story. Just to be aware, I've slowed down on writing this around chapter 13. I'm trying to pick it back up but work has been extremely hectic. Hopefully I'll get back ahead soon, but around chapter 13, you may see a longer break than I originally wanted.**

 **I know this has been slow with Dean's coma, and there are a lot of sad elements to it. I'll share what happens to Dean within the next few chapters, so get ready for it...**

Chapter 7

" _You're not your father, Dean," Castiel shook his head, trying to look into his eyes. Dean was looking everywhere but Castiel. It meant he had to grab Dean's head, forcing them to look at each other, "I'd know by now if you were."_

 _With that, Castiel kissed Dean again, pulling him towards the Impala. Quickly putting the cigarette out, Dean allowed himself to be pulled to the car. He pushed Castiel up against his baby, pushing his hips into him. Castiel instantly felt himself getting harder at the feeling. He was supposed to be here to calm Dean down, though, not to get laid._

" _Mmm, Dean," Castiel moaned, "Don't do that unless..."_

 _Dean smirked against Castiel's mouth, as he opened the back door to the Impala, "Get in, then."_

 _Castiel frowned at first, glancing behind him. The back door was wide open and just waiting for Castiel to climb in._

" _C'mon." Dean wiggled his eyebrows before kissing Castiel again. Dean sucked at his bottom lip, making Castiel moan again. He didn't need telling again. Climbing into the back of the car, he shifted across the bench seat so that Dean could get in next to him. Dean closed the back door behind him, before pulling Castiel on top of him._

 _Castiel instantly put his hands through Dean's short blonde hair, rubbing his hips into Dean. He heard his boyfriend moan, making Castiel do it again. This time, Dean grabbed Castiel's rear with both hands, squeezing it tight. Castiel pushed his body up against Dean again, this time biting his bottom lip._

" _Mmm, Cas..." Dean moaned, pulling the hem of Castiel's t-shirt up and over his head. Castiel worked his t-shirt off and then pulled at open shirt. It was a big hint that he wanted it off Dean's body. Once Dean shrugged himself out of that, Castiel pulled up at his t-shirt. Now that they were both topless, Castiel moved his lips to Dean's ear and neck, nipping now and then with his teeth._

 _Dean's hands soon went up to Castiel's messy black hair, before he felt their positions change. Dean maneuvered them so Castiel was underneath, lying on the backseat. Dean hovered over Castiel for a few seconds, almost as if he was trying to get his breath back from their kissing._

" _God, I love you." Dean said before delving in for a kiss, rubbing their denim-clad erections together. Castiel could barely get his reply out, as Dean moved down Castiel's body with his lips, kissing and licking at what seemed like every inch of skin before unfastening his jeans._

The alarm blaring shocked Castiel out of his dream. Groaning, Castiel rolled onto his back. It was just getting to the good part. Slamming the alarm off, Castiel put his hands under the covers feeling his morning wood. That had all been because of that dream...more like that memory. He pushed himself back into the memory, recalling as much detail of that night in the car as he could; the scents, the thoughts, the feelings...it was all becoming hazy now, but there was enough to bring him over the edge so he creamed his boxers.

It had been two weeks since Dean's accident. Two weeks that Castiel had heard his voice and seen his beautiful green eyes. And it wasn't getting any easier.

Within that time, the football team had been to visit. Castiel only found out about it because he'd heard Zach and Cain talking about it during biology. The two sounded genuinely sad that Dean was in the shape he was in; like they had thought of him as a friend. Castiel wondered whether the team really was as bad as he always made them out to be. Maybe it was just because he was always on the receiving end of the taunts and beatings.

But then Dean had always said they were jerks. Maybe that was because Dean liked Cas. Maybe Dean saw them as jerks just because he did, and Dean couldn't be himself around them.

Pulling himself out of bed, Castiel pushed the thoughts of Dean and the football team from his mind. He needed to focus. Benny had wanted help for some last minute studying as he retook the SATs.

 _Dean would have been taking them today,_ Castiel thought to himself. It had taken a while to understand why Dean hadn't taken the SATs during his junior year.

" _It doesn't make sense why you've left it to the last minute, Dean." Castiel said as the two studied in his room. Regardless of Dean's lack of planning, he wasn't going to let his boyfriend fail the math section of the SATs. This was the only thing getting in the way of college._

" _College wasn't exactly on my mind last year, Cas." Dean sighed, sticking his tongue out as he worked on the next problem. Castiel tilted his head to one side, with a soft smile. Dean always did that when he was really concentrating. Did he even know that he did that?_

" _You're telling me that you only really took college seriously because of this school?" Castiel now asked, "You played football before you got here."_

" _It wasn't just football," Dean put the pencil down, possibly realizing that he was going to have to do some explaining. Dean shifted on the bed, so he could look into Cas' eyes, "I wasn't in a place in my head to even consider college last year. You remember Lawrence High wasn't the first school I was expelled from. Over the course of the last two years, I've been expelled from three high schools."_

Getting expelled had caused problems for Dean taking his SATs. Castiel wondered whether it was why his boyfriend worried about the tests. He always put himself down when it came to school work, and Castiel wondered whether being in and out of schools was part of the reason. Dean hadn't had the stability of the same teachers. He may not have even been in school when the SATs were held. And then there was the idea of no college wanting to take him because of his school record.

In reality, it was no wonder that Dean had decided against taking the SATs. If it wasn't for things being on the up since getting to St. Benedicts, Dean probably wouldn't have bothered about the SATs.

Glancing at his phone, Castiel checked for any messages during the night. After the first few days, the calls between him, Jo and Sam had dropped to a minimum. There were a few text messages, but things with Dean hadn't changed. Castiel realized that he would have to get back to normal. There was nothing he could do by constantly thinking about Dean. It's not like Dean would want him to do it anyway. Would Dean be like this if things had been the other way around? Probably not.

So, it led to Castiel getting back to hanging out with his friends. He was back to drinking with them, and back on board with his school work. He'd received his acceptance from Stanford and was strangely looking forward to his new venture. If only Dean was going to San Francisco. It would have been perfect for them to just be an hour or so from each other.

 _Stop thinking about him, Castiel_ , he thought to himself, with a sigh. He wouldn't want him moping around. Dean would want Castiel to live his life, and that was what he was going to do. It was that day that he decided finally that he was definitely going to put everything with Dean behind him. He was going to focus on the future that he had, because at least he had one.

That resolve had lasted two days before he got a text from Sam to say that Lisa had had her baby boy. He was named Benjamin Dean Braedon. She'd felt so guilty for the things she'd said to Dean before his accident, and clearly decided that giving Ben his father's name as a middle name was the right thing to do.

Sam sent a picture message to Castiel to show off the baby. Castiel hadn't asked for it, but he was glad to get it. Ben had the widest green eyes; eyes that reminded him of Dean. This baby was definitely Dean's son, and there would never be a doubt about that.

Luckily, Castiel was alone in his room when he got that text message because it led to tears. He couldn't help but think of the future that Dean was going to miss out on. Ben wouldn't get to speak to his dad if things continued the way they were, and the doctors were worried that things would. John and Mary were apparently losing their optimism for their eldest son pulling out of the coma, Jo and Sam didn't know how to deal with it and Adam and Charlie just kept plodding along, but it was clear that things were getting to them.

Castiel just continued to stare at the photo. He just couldn't forget Dean when he looked into those gorgeous green eyes.

" _I want your brother to adopt my kid," Dean blurted out, shocking Castiel. It was the first time Dean had been so clear about his feelings, and once the floodgates were open, it was like he couldn't stop, "I want to go to college and I want my son to be raised by two damn good parents. But...but what if it goes so wrong with you that we end up hating each other? What if I can't see my son at all because I can't stand the sight of you? What if I get so connected to my son that I can't let Gabe and Anna parent him?"_

" _Well, that last one, you'll be on the other side of the country—or you may as well be," Castiel pointed out. He hadn't meant it to sound so mean but it did need saying, "They'll stay in Topeka and you'll be in San Francisco. It will be harder to get attached," but Castiel knew that that wasn't the main worry. The main worry was about them breaking up—and even hating each other, "And if something happens between us, I can leave when you go to see your son. I wouldn't be a dick and make that awkward for you. But I'd hope we could work through things. We can if you stop being a jerk now."_

He'd meant those words. He would never stop Dean from seeing his son, Ben as he was now called. But it all seemed like a moot conversation, now. Dean was still in a coma and Lisa had decided she wanted to keep the baby. At least, that was the way it had seemed so far.

Breaking the news to Gabriel and Anna was difficult, but they hadn't gotten their hopes up. They knew there was a chance that Lisa and Dean would decide against adoption. In fact, Anna had believed Lisa would be the one to decide against it just from meeting her. The hardest part had been telling them that Lisa didn't want anything to do with Dean, and now he was lying in a hospital bed in a coma.

And then, Castiel decided to do something that he hadn't done in years. He closed his eyes, bowed his head and clasped his hands together.

"God, I don't know if you're listening to me or if you even care. Why should you care about someone like me? I've not exactly been the most faithful, have I? But, well, I've got nothing else to lose. I need you right now. I need you to help Dean, bring him back. If not for me, then do it for him. Dean was turning everything around and then this happens. Please, show me that you're not the dick you seem to be all the time.

"Damn it, I can't even pray to you without insulting you. I guess that just shows how much faith I've lost. Please, I don't ask for a lot and I won't ask for anything again. Please bring Dean back to me. Let him see his son grow up and let him be reunited with his family. Please. I'm begging you."

Castiel opened his eyes and looked down at his phone. Part of him hoped that God had heard him and Dean was now waking up from his coma. He wanted that phone to ring to tell him that Dean was awake again. But the longer he stared and waited, the longer he realized that it wasn't going to happen. God hadn't heard him. It was the story of his life.

* * *

 **I know I've not really put much about Castiel's faith before, but it suits him to have lost his way-for other reasons than he did in Supernatural.  
**

 **Please R &R. I'd love to know what you think about this chapter. I'll be back next week with more.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey. After a very busy couple of weeks, I'm back with a new chapter. I know that some of you have been waiting the whole two weeks to find out what happens after the last one. Well, here it is :)  
**

Chapter 8

"How did you find it this time?" Castiel asked, as Benny walked out of the school hall. He shook his head with a frown, making Castiel sigh, "Not good?"

"I don't know, brother," Benny shrugged his shoulders, leading the two of them through the small group of students—mostly juniors—back to their rooms. They got to Benny's room, where Speedy was sitting on his bed reading a book, "Thanks for meeting me down there, though."

"I said I'd be waiting for you." Castiel patted his friend on the back, before perching on the desk.

"How'd it go?" Speedy asked, but glanced at Castiel, who was shaking his head. The dark-haired friend had a sympathetic look on his face, looking over at his roommate before looking back at Castiel, "What dya say we go down the hut? Garth has headed into the city to pick up some alcohol for the night."

Benny silently nodded his head, just as Castiel's phone started ringing. _Can't Fight This Feeling_ altered him to it being Jo who was calling. Ever since Dean had told him the story of how the song became his and Jo's, it was the song that always made him think of her, so he made it her ringtone.

" _I'm still very surprised that you have REO Speedwagon on your phone." Castiel laughed, as Dean hung up from speaking to Jo. He watched as Dean chuckle, before putting the phone on Castiel's desk. It was day three of their suspension and things were going extremely well between them. Ever since having sex, Dean was opening up more and more. Castiel could see that pushing past his jackass comments and actions was definitely worthwhile._

" _That's our song. Mine and Jo's." Dean explained, climbing onto the bed, pulling Castiel closer to him._

" _You and Jo have a song?" Castiel frowned, glancing over at the song, "I thought you and her…you weren't together."_

" _Doesn't mean we can't have a song." Dean shrugged his shoulders and then got on with the explanation. Castiel laughed as he heard about how Jo had put it on one night when he was with her. When he drove back home that night, he just couldn't get the song out of his head. It became the song they sang karaoke together, and Dean just had to make it her ringtone after that._

" _Do I have my own ringtone?" Castiel asked, tilting his head to one side and looking up into those gorgeous emerald orbs._

" _Not yet," Dean shook his head, "I haven't quite worked a ringtone out for you, yet."_

 _Dean grabbed his phone and started looking through the songs he already had on it. Castiel sat up, letting Dean fiddle around with the phone, "So, what reminds me most of you?"_

They hadn't picked a song for Castiel's ringtone that night. Castiel wasn't even sure if he had one yet, but Dean had one on his phone now. _Hot and Cold_ by Katy Perry was the one that stood out in his mind for a long time. Maybe he would have to change it now since Dean has stopped acting so hot and cold with him. He was finally accepting who he really was.

"You getting that?" Benny asked, pointing at the phone. He knew by now that the song meant it was Jo, so Castiel would want to answer it. Staying in the room, Castiel answered the call.

"Finally!" Jo's exasperated sigh, made it clear that she was getting fed up of hearing the phone ring, "I'm on my way to pick you up."

"What? Why?" Castiel asked, with a deep frown. How was he just supposed to walk out of the school? Why would she come and pick him up anyway?

"Just pack a bag, will ya? I'll be there in a few hours."

With that, Jo hung up the phone and Castiel looked over at his two friends. They were looking at him expectantly, waiting to find out what the whole conversation was about.

"Jo's on her way here," he simply said, "She's picking me up. That's good news right? I mean, it must mean that Dean is awake. Or what if they're turning the machines off and they want me to be there when they do it? God, what if he's giving up and they just don't wanna tell me."

The blood rushing in his head came as quickly as it did that day he found out that Dean was in the hospital. He couldn't feel like he was getting enough air into his lungs, as he gripped the desk tight. He barely felt Benny's hands on his shoulders, as he looked into his eyes.

"Cas!" Benny's voice was distant, but he was right in front of him. They were just inches apart, "Hey! Cas, c'mon. Breathe. Deep breaths."

Castiel did as he was told. He tried to take in a deep breath, feeling the pain in his chest. There was a heavy weight on him, and it was stopping him from getting the air that he needed.

"C'mon, Castiel," Benny ordered, "In, two, three and out, two, three…"

Benny repeated like that, and it was strangely calming for Castiel. He took in the deep breath and then let it out, following his friend's count. The heavy weight and feeling of blood rushing around his ears was easing off. His vision was easing, no longer the black tunnel that was forming around Benny's face.

"Okay, that's it." Benny nodded, relief filling his eyes and features.

Castiel now realized that he was sitting on the bed. When had he even moved here? Maybe Benny had gotten him here. Looking around, he saw the panic and relief in both his friends' eyes.

"God, don't do that to us, man!" Speedy sighed, grabbing Castiel's shoulder, "You scared us there."

"I'm sorry," Castiel frowned, still trying to take in the deep breaths that Benny had instructed him to. He was trying his hardest not to focus on the panic that wanted to rise as he thought about Dean, "I'm sorry…"

"Right, looks like a trip down to the hut is definitely in order," Speedy nodded his head, "Even if it's just to keep you sane over the next…how long did Jo say it would take?"

"It takes about four hours from Lawrence," Benny answered for Castiel, before looking back at him, "You okay to get down to the hut or we staying in here?"

"I need to pack." Was the only thing that Castiel could even think about saying. He didn't care how he was going to get off the school grounds right now. All he could think about was packing.

Four hours later and Castiel was impatiently waiting in Benny and Speedy's rooms. The two friends had taken it upon themselves to keep an eye on him. They'd tried to ring Jo again, but she was driving and made it clear she was going to keep her concentration on the road. The last thing anyone needed was for her to end up in the same place as Dean.

It brought everything back for Castiel. The sight of Dean and the fear of losing him. It made him believe more and more that Dean was dead or that they were going to pull him off the machines. The whole idea filled Castiel with dread. He knew he should have been preparing himself for this, but there was still the hope that Dean would pull himself out of the coma. The boy was a fighter, so why couldn't he fight for his life?

All the worry and panic had led to Castiel to the state that he was in now. Garth had returned with bottles of alcohol. They were supposed to celebrate/commiserate the SATs, but now they were keeping a watchful eye on Castiel. He knew he was spiraling and when he took a deep mouthful of the vodka in his hand he knew he was going over the edge. It was too much, and Castiel could feel his vision swimming as his head spun.

 _Can't Fight This Feeling_ played from his phone again, but he couldn't deal with answering it. He stared at the phone on the desk, just about making out Jo's name on the caller ID, not like he needed to see the name.

In the end, Benny grabbed the phone and answered it, "Hi, Jo. No, erm, Cas is a little…well, he's a little out of it. You here?"

Castiel couldn't make out the other end of the conversation, but when Benny hung up saying they would be five minutes, he guessed the answer was a yes. As Benny tried to grab the vodka out of Castiel's hands, he fought back. He wasn't giving it up, needing it right now.

"Oh, hell no!" Benny reached out, using his longer arms to get the bottle and pass it to Speedy, "Jo's waiting for you and she doesn't need you throwing up in her car. One of you get his bag and someone else help me get him down there. We need to make him look relatively sober."

Castiel tried to fight Benny off him, but it was no use. His drunken frame was easy enough to be dragged along by Benny and Speedy. Cas could see Garth behind them with his bag, following them down to the visitor parking lot where Jo was waiting for him.

"Holy shit!" Jo's laugh rang out, making Castiel focus on her shorter frame. Her hands opened her car door, an amused smile playing on her lips, "This is something I never expected to see. Please tell me Deano has seen him like this."

Castiel could barely make out her words, and didn't even care about the way she spoke. He just climbed into the passenger seat of the car and that was it. It was all a blur and blank from there on out.

The next thing he knew, he had a raging headache and the taste of something furry in his mouth. It was honestly like something had crawled up into his mouth and died there.

"Here." The sing-song voice of Jo made his ears feel like they were bleeding. Did she have to be so loud? _Hang on, why is Jo here?_ Castiel thought to himself, as he squinted and looked around.

He was in a car. He vaguely remembered climbing into one with Jo laughing at him. She'd picked him up from the school. So that wasn't all a dream. It was very real, and the idea of Dean dying was all very real too. God, he just wanted it to be a dream.

"Are ya gonna take it or not?" Jo now asked, eyebrows raised expectantly. He focused on the cup she was holding out in front of her, presumably coffee, "You'll need to sober up more before we go in there."

Taking it with a mumbled thanks, Castiel glanced outside of the passenger window, trying to get his bearings. It was only then that he realized they weren't driving, but they definitely weren't still at school. They were at the hospital again. Jo had brought him here to see Dean. To say goodbye to him, maybe?

He had to think about the bad. If he got his hopes up, he didn't know what he'd do once his world came crushing down on him. It was just better to think of the bad.

"There's food here as well," Jo now said, pulling up a Wendy's paper bag, "I didn't know what you like, so I got you Dean's order. Figured you might like what he does. If not, well, I'm sorry..."

Castiel frowned, looking over at the girl, "Why am I here, Jo?" His voice was hoarse, a lot worse than he expected it to be. How much vodka had he really drank? He didn't remember having that much, but then he wasn't exactly keeping an eye on the bottle's level.

"Sober up." Jo simply said, a small smile forming on her lips. Castiel knew that he wasn't going to get an answer from her, figuring it was bad news and he'd want to see it for himself. So, he did as he was told and drank the—extremely strong and horrible—coffee before following with some of the fries. As much as he didn't feel hungry, his body needed something on his stomach to counter the alcohol he'd drank earlier.

"How bad is he now?" Castiel decided he'd try to get another answer from her, but she just shook her head. Mumbling that he should see for himself, she got out of the car and waited for him. There was a delay, as he worked up the courage to go into the hospital. Did he really want to see Dean deteriorating? He knew he should be there to say goodbye, but it wasn't easy for him. He remembered the last time he'd been in that position.

 _14-year-old Castiel looked at his mother's body with wide, terrified eyes. Her head was bandaged and there were machines everywhere. He didn't really know what had happened. Some guy tried to rob her and shot her in the head. It hadn't instantly killed her, though. Instead, the bullet had put her in a coma._

 _Gabriel had taken care of all the paperwork and was the one to talk to the doctors. Castiel just sat in the room with his mom, hoping and praying that she would get better. He'd only been in school for two weeks, and then this happened. Part of him blamed himself for leaving, but it wasn't like he could have changed anything. His mom was on the way home from work when it happened. Castiel wouldn't have been around anyway, even if he hadn't offered to go to boarding school for high school._

 _Now he was having to say goodbye. Gabriel had told him that his mom wasn't getting any better. In fact, she probably wouldn't. She was officially brain dead; two doctors had decided on that one. It meant that the machines were going to be turned off and life support was going to end. Naomi Novak was going to die. Castiel and Gabriel were going to be left as orphans._

 _It wouldn't have been too bad for Gabriel. At 24, he was out of college, living with his girlfriend and already owned his own successful business. He had life figured out. Castiel was just 14, and just in high school. The fear of foster care went through him, as he watched his mother's body just lay there. He had no idea what was going to happen with him. It wasn't like anyone would want to adopt him. He didn't know his dad and he couldn't really ask his brother to take him in._

 _All of this was just so hard._

Luckily, Gabriel had wanted to take Castiel in. He wasn't about to see his baby brother end up in the foster care system. Gabriel has taken him back to his apartment right away and said that it was his home now. There was no chance in hell he was letting some strangers put him up for a few nights at a time, or let him suffer in a home for the next four years. Gabriel even offered to keep paying the fees for school, knowing that Castiel had wanted to go there.

Saying goodbye to Naomi had been hard, but this was harder. Knowing that he was going to have to say goodbye to his boyfriend—the man he loved—was excruciating. There was a heavy weight, and he didn't feel like he would ever be able to lift it.

Jo placed her hand on his arm, making him wonder when he'd even stepped out of the car, "C'mon, you'll wanna see him."

And with that, she locked the car and led him through the halls. Dean had been moved from the ICU a week or so earlier, so Castiel had no idea where he was going. All he could do was follow Jo around the hospital, keeping an eye out for his boyfriend; getting himself ready for the sight he was about to see.

"The tests have come back positive," the doctor, Tessa, told Mary as Jo led Castiel around a corner. He just stopped, watching as they presumably spoke about Dean. So, he'd been for more tests and they were looking positive. They weren't going to take him off life support yet? So, why had Castiel been brought here? "The break in his leg has healed fully. The ones in his arm and wrist are healing. They'll take longer but with physiotherapy I believe he'll be playing football again before you know it."

Castiel's frown deepened. As if football was what they were concerned about? Dean was lying in a coma for God's sake. How could he play football while out like that?

"What about his memory?" Mary now asked, "You said there might be problems with brain damage."

"The MRI wasn't as bad as I expected..." Tessa explained, glancing behind Mary at Castiel and Jo. It caught Mary's attention and she looked behind her. Castiel could see that her eyes were red with tears, but there was a light in her eyes. One that Sam had said had disappeared over the last week or so.

"Oh, Castiel!" Mary grinned and then looked over at Jo, "Thank you for getting him. Did you tell him?"

"Nope, didn't really get a chance," Jo laughed, "Someone was passed out the whole journey. Still not sure how sober he is."

Mary had a disapproving look on her face, as Jo laughed, asking if she could go in. Mary nodded and then looked at Castiel, "You should go in, too."

"Is there any change?" Castiel asked, frowning as he looked between the doctor and Mary. There was a happy expression on the doctor's face, making Castiel think back to the conversation. He'd been for more x-rays and MRI scans. That was a good thing, right? That meant they thought he was recovering?

"Go in, Castiel. I wouldn't have sent Jo to you if I didn't think you'd want to see this for yourself." Mary rubbed his shoulder in a way only a caring and loving mother could. Nodding his head with a small frown, Castiel stepped towards the room. Mary had gone straight back to the conversation with Tessa.

"As I was saying, the MRI wasn't as bad as I expected. We already know that the memory loss isn't that bad. The swelling and temporary lack of oxygen may have caused problems, but we won't know right away."

Castiel's heart stopped—they already knew that the memory loss wasn't that bad? The _only_ way they could know that was if...Castiel didn't need any more encouragement. He swung the door to the room opened, looking straight over to the group of people surrounding the bed. John, Sam, Adam, Charlie, Ellen, Bobby and Jo were all crowded round, so much that Castiel couldn't see Dean. Jodi stood by the window on the phone, but glanced over at the door with a wide smile as Castiel walked in.

"Who is it?" A croaky voice in the room asked, and even though it was croaky, Castiel knew exactly who it belonged to. There were smiles all around, as people stood back from the bed so Castiel could finally get a good look at Dean. And that was when he saw him and his whole world stopped.

"Dean!"

* * *

 **It was the bit that I know you've all been waiting for...happy? There was no way I could kill Dean off...I'm not that mean...**

 **Please R &R. I'd love to know what you thought of the chapter and Castiel's actions. I can't wait to share the next chapter with you so you get to see just what Dean knows/remembers. I know memory loss is a big thing in fanfics that involve car crashes/accidents etc. I'm not the biggest fan of using it to the extent others are, but I'm going to focus on a different outcome due to the crash...all to be revealled soon...**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for the reviews from the last chapter. I know a lot of people are thinking memory loss and are worried about Dean forgetting Castiel. As I said, I want to take a different angle with this story compared to others that I've read. Memory loss will be visible in a minor form, but you'll soon find out the angle I'm taking. Dean's memory loss is covered in this chapter.**

Chapter 9

"That would be my name." the croaky voice said, with a hint of humor behind it. Castiel just grinned at the sight of his boyfriend sitting up. The bandage around his head had now been removed, and Castiel could see where they'd had to shave some of Dean's head for the surgery he'd had weeks ago. He wondered whether Dean had realized his hair had been shaved off like that, and what he would say about it.

Castiel rushed over to the foot of the bed, grinning from ear to ear. His headache forgotten about, all he could focus on was the fact that Dean was awake. Those beautiful green eyes that he'd never expected to see again were open and looking directly at him. But then Castiel stopped. There was something in those eyes that told Castiel there was a problem.

Dean stared at Castiel for a few moments, as if trying to work out who he was. Tessa had said the memory loss wasn't that bad, but what did she mean by that. Had she meant that he didn't remember anything about Cas? Could he really go back to the way things had been at the start of the school year?

"Well, what are you waiting for, Cas? Will you fucking kiss me already?" Dean asked, his eyes brightening up and head tilting to one side. So, he did remember him. Dean's memory loss wasn't that bad.

"I was starting to think you didn't remember me."

"Sorry, trying to remember the last thing that happened between us," Dean laughed, as Castiel rushed over to him and kissed his hard. He ran his hand over Dean's yellowing cheek, making his boyfriend pull back from him with a hiss of pain, "You're on my arm..."

Castiel jumped up, quickly apologizing for being so stupid, earning another frown from Dean, "You're not stupid. Never have been and never will be. I'm the idiot."

"I thought I'd lost you."

"'m not going anywhere."

"We'll give you two some privacy." John smiled, pulling his youngest two children out of the room. Sam gripped Castiel's shoulder with a warm smile, before leaving the room. Jodi, Ellen and Bobby didn't say a word as they left, but Jo just grinned between the two off them.

"Told you you'd wanna see him." She simply said before rushing out of the room. It just left the two lovers in the hospital room together. Castiel couldn't take his eyes off Dean, taking in every freckle, every cut and every bruise.

"I really thought I'd lost you," Castiel ran his hand through the unshaven part of Dean's head, "When you were in your coma, I didn't know what to expect, whether you'd wake up. And then they were just talking about memory loss and I thought you wouldn't remember and…"

"It's all a bit jumbled, Cas, but there's no way I could ever forget about you." Dean said, running his hand through Castiel's dark locks. The shorter boy just leaned into the feeling, closing his eyes at a touch he never expected to get, "Jo said you were hammered when she picked you up."

"Erm, yeah," Castiel admitted, embarrassed at the thought of what he must have looked like, "I didn't know what to expect. She said she was coming to pick me up and I thought they were turning your machines off. I didn't want to be sober for something like that."

Dean just smiled, their eyes locking together. Castiel couldn't take it anymore. He just leaned forward, kissing his boyfriend passionately. Dean moaned in response to the kiss, pulling Castiel closer to him. Castiel's hands dropped to Dean's gowned chest, rubbing it with a small whimper.

"I'm here," Dean whispered through the kiss, not letting Castiel get away. Their foreheads touched, with their eyes locking, "I'm right here."

"What do you remember?" Castiel now asked, "They said there was some memory loss."

Castiel pulled away, as Dean closed his eyes. It was like he was trying to focus his mind, figure out what he was missing.

"There are snippets of stuff here and there," Dean admitted, rubbing his temples with his hands. Castiel now sighed at the sight of the cast over his left arm and wrist, and he thought back to the idea of Dean not playing football again. It wasn't like he'd be going to college this year, anyway, but there was always next year. There was hope. But that wasn't the focus right now, "The last thing I really remember clearly is deciding I was gonna tell my mom and dad about us. I remember asking you to come home with me for spring break. But that's been and gone, right?"

"Right," Castiel nodded, "And I did come home with you. We did tell your mom and dad."

"Yeah, they said," Dean nodded with a small smile, "Is it true I came out to my old football buddies?" Castiel chuckled at the look of confusion and uncertainty on Dean's face. He could tell that the others had tried their hardest to fill in the blanks, but some of them were ones that only Castiel could help with. Dean would only believe some of them if they came out of Castiel's mouth.

"You did. I've gotta say, I wasn't expecting it," Castiel smiled, "It was a good night."

"Until I crashed the car, right. I can't believe I totalled my baby."

"What have they told you about the car crash?" Castiel now asked with a frown, realizing that Dean didn't remember the argument before, or hitting Jo accidentally. He didn't remember the fear that he was turning into his father because he was so close to killing Michael with his bare hands.

"That it wasn't my fault. Doesn't make me feel much better," Dean admitted, "I'm sure there's something they're not telling me. Jo has this look in her eyes that...it's like she's scared and I've seen that look far too many times for my liking. What did I do?"

Castiel was about to answer, but no words would come out. Did he really want to tell Dean about the events that happened before the crash? Did he really want Dean worrying about everything, blaming himself again?

"Look, the docs think I'll get it all or at least most of it back," Dean shrugged his shoulders, "It'd be a lot easier if people just told me. Let me guess...I beat the crap outta Michael, again, right? Jodi was already asking me how much I knew about that. 'm guessing the guy wants to press charges this time. 'm surprised he didn't when we were suspended."

"Suspended?" Mary asked, making Castiel and Dean both jump. They hadn't realized anybody had walked back into the room while they were talking. Castiel closed his eyes, realizing that they were going to get in trouble now. And Sam was going to get pulled into it since he covered for Dean, "You know what. No, I don't wanna know. Just please tell me it's just suspension. You're not getting yourself expelled, again."

"No, mom," Dean shook his head, "At least I don't remember being expelled." The shit-eating grin didn't nothing to calm Mary down. She just glared at her eldest son, and Castiel couldn't help but giggle—since when did he giggle?

"Oh, I almost forgot. School...do they know where I am?" Castiel looked over to Mary, guessing that she would have arranged something. Smiling, she explained how Ellen had arranged for something with the principal. With just two weeks left of the year and Castiel already having an acceptance letter from Stanford, the principal was more than happy for him to not go back if that's what he chose.

"Two weeks?" Dean groaned, before looking over at his mom, "You never said I was out for two months."

Castiel sighed, placing his hand on Dean's casted arm. He didn't flinch or move, as if he didn't even feel it. So he slipped his hand to Dean's fingers, brushing them lightly, "Six weeks. Just six weeks. That's not that bad."

And it wasn't that bad, considering just what it could have been like for them. It could have been a hell of a lot worse. In fact, Dean may never have woken up again.

* * *

Castiel had decided to return back to school. Well, Dean had encouraged him more than anything else. It wasn't that they didn't want to see each other and Dean wasn't really bothered about what Zach and the rest of the football team really thought anymore. The coma had put a lot into perspective for him. It was more of the fact that Dean wanted Castiel to graduate, and if Castiel was honest he wanted that too. He didn't want to miss that moment of seeing his school career end.

He needed to go back anyway so he could tell his friends the good news. Jo had told him how they'd helped get him into her car when he was hammered, and they'd want to know the news that Dean was alive, well and recovering.

Before he went back to school though, he asked Jo to take him to his own apartment. The last Gabe had heard, Dean was dying and Lisa had had the baby. He wanted to see how his brother and Anna were doing.

"You want me to wait here for ya?" Jo asked, not really sure if she should go up with them.

"No, c'mon up if you want. My brother and his girlfriend don't bite." He laughed and then got out of her car. He could sense her nervously playing with her bag behind her, "Are you sure you didn't want to wait in the car?" He couldn't help but ask with a laugh, putting his key into the lock. It was her last chance to turn away.

"No, I just…" Jo trailed off, and then shook her head with a smile, "No, it's fine. I guess I'm just nervous with the whole my best friend's ex-girlfriend decided not to let your brother adopt her baby. I don't wanna feel like I'm in the middle of it."

"Don't worry about it." Castiel shook his head with a smile, but couldn't help feel like he was in her position on that one. Instead of it being his best friend's ex-girlfriend, it was his boyfriend's ex-girlfriend; because that wasn't just a little messed up.

Being a weekend, Castiel knew that Gabriel wouldn't be in work. He always had his manager run the store so he could get some much needed time off. He wasn't sure about Anna, but it was Gabe he wanted to see anyway.

"Cassie!" Gabriel grinned from the couch, eating yet more candy. Sometimes Castiel couldn't help but wonder how his brother kept that store in profit with the amount of the stock he ate, "I wasn't expecting you."

"I'm just about to set off to school again," Castiel smiled, "Thought I'd drop by here on the way back. This is Jo, by the way. Dean's best friend."

Gabriel jumped up from the couch, taking Jo's hand and kissing the back of it. His eyes had lost their playfulness, though. Castiel could already see the questions forming in his brother's head.

"Dean's good," he spoke before his brother even had a chance to ask, "He's great, in fact. Woke up. That's why I'm here. Jo picked me up yesterday. I woulda come over then but I spent most of the day with Dean at the hospital and then his mom said that I should stay there for the night because it was so late."

Gabriel grinned like a Cheshire cat, hearing that Dean was awake and well. Grabbing drinks for Castiel and Jo, Gabriel started asking for more information, mainly what was next for Dean and whether there was any permanent damage. It wasn't like the last 24 hours had really told them much. All they knew was that the memory loss hadn't been that bad and that most of the bones would heal. Whether Dean would ever play football or not again was more up to him. Dean had already told Castiel that he was determined to get back out there. He'd do whatever it took.

"How long can you stay?" Gabriel now asked, leaning on the breakfast bar as the two teenagers drank their pop, "Anna won't be too long and we have some news of our own to share."

Castiel glanced across at Jo, since she was the one who was driving, "It's up to you. It's a four-hour drive, though, remember."

"How about you tell me?" Castiel shrugged his shoulders, "I can't have Jo doing the four-hour drive back too late."

Gabriel smiled and nodded his head, quickly texting Anna first. When she replied to say that she'd be at least another hour, he made the decision to break the news to his brother on his own, "So, I proposed to Anna."

"I thought you always said you didn't need that piece of paper." Castiel frowned, sensing that something else was going on. As usual, he thought about all the bad. Why would Gabe think it was a good idea to tell him something like that just before he went back to school _and_ when Jo was with him.

"Well, we didn't but…" Gabe sighed, but there was a happy, excited glint in his eyes, "Anna's pregnant. We don't know how and we're really not questioning it. She's eight weeks!"

"Oh my God!" Castiel's eyes widened, as he took the news in. He couldn't help but let the grin escape to his lips, as he ran around the breakfast bar to hug his big brother, "That's amazing. That's…you are happy, right?"

"Yeah, you doofus," Gabriel laughed, "But we decided that we needed to get married now. Well, I decided that and proposed to Anna. She said yes. So, looks like you're gonna be an uncle, Cassie."

"Yeah, Uncle Cas, not Uncle Cassie." Castiel glared at his brother, glancing across at Jo who was grinning at the two of them.

"Congratulations," Jo said with a nod, when both the Novak brothers looked at her, "Guess it's the weekend for great news."

Shortly after sharing all the news, Castiel stopped feeling guilty for Lisa's decision. It was all falling into place now. He felt happier about going back to school and spending the next two weeks getting ready for graduation. Then he could get back to Lawrence and see how Dean was really doing. Castiel just had this feeling that Dean would try to cover up how he was really feeling when they talked on the phone. He knew his boyfriend way too well.

* * *

 **It almost feels like an end, doesn't it? No it's really not. There is more of this story to come. I just wanted a chapter that was full of good news rather than bad. I'll be back next week with more to the story.  
**

 **In the meantime, please R &R :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi everyone. Thank you once again for the support you've shown in this story. I know a few of you were expecting some bad news twist at the end, but I just thought I'd show that I can be nice. I am looking forward to sharing the next few chapters as they're very important ones.**

 **I'm not going to update next week. I'm away on vacation from tomorrow for the week, so there will be a bit of a gap. I'll try to get the next chapter up on the Monday when I return, though. Here's the next chapter, though.**

Chapter 10

"I'll let you know if he's keeping something from you about his recovery," Jo smiled as the two hugged at the school, "I know he'll try to pretend that everything is great."

"Thanks, Jo." Castiel hugged her back, glancing over her shoulder at Benny and Speedy who were making their way over to him. As much as Castiel wanted to, he didn't miss a shared look between Benny and Jo. Had something happened when Jo had picked him up a couple of days ago? Pushing that from his mind, he quickly kissed her on the cheek to say goodbye and turned back to his friends.

"So, how is he?" Speedy asked, as he pulled Castiel away from the car. They ignored the looks from some of the students crowding around and whispering. He'd certainly missed something while he was gone.

"Awake, on the mend," he answered the question, grinning like a Cheshire cat. As much as there was something niggling him about his last conversation with Dean in the hospital, he was certainly happy that he had his boyfriend back. Even if they didn't stay together, Dean was alive and that was the most important thing, "Memory's a bit hazy from spring break, but he's alive and awake and that's all that I care about right now."

"Jo said that he remembers you." Benny smiled, making Castiel narrow his blue eyes at his friend.

"How would you know?"

"Those two have been texting each other like crazy." Speedy laughed, filling in the blanks. It turned out that the two had switched numbers so Jo could let Benny know Castiel had reached the hospital okay and that he wasn't drinking himself into an early grave. The texting had continued from there and within just two days there was something building between them.

As they walked through the dorms, there was more whispering. Castiel couldn't ignore it anymore, and had to find out what was going on. Turning to his friends, he saw the nervous, uncertain looks they were throwing each other. The question of who was going to tell him was quickly raised.

"There's a rumor." Benny sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. Castiel couldn't help but roll his eyes. Of course there was a rumor; when wasn't there in this place?

"What's it about this time? Me I'm guessing."

"You and Dean," Benny explained, "The school had an assembly yesterday to say that he was awake and people started talking. They noticed you weren't around and some people saw the state you were in when we got you to Jo's car."

"So, they think Dean and I…" Castiel didn't need to finish the sentence. He just nodded his head, and understood why they all jumped to those conclusions. It made sense, and it was the truth. Castiel had rushed to Dean's side in a drunken state, believing that his boyfriend was going to die; that he was going to have to say goodbye.

Castiel would love to just tell them that it was all true; that he and Dean were together and were in love. But one thing Castiel wasn't going to do was out Dean. They hadn't discussed what they would do about the gossip at school or about the football team. While Dean wasn't going back to school now, Castiel didn't want the news spreading. He might return next year, and he didn't want to ruin Dean's chances of getting back on the team—if he would even be able to play football.

Sighing, Castiel realized that he was going to have to have a conversation with Dean about this.

"We're tried to curb them, said you were visiting your brother but…" Speedy sighed, and Castiel could see the nervousness in his dark eyes, "It's difficult to stop a rumor."

"Especially when it's true, brother." Benny added, and all Castiel could do was nod his head. It would be difficult to stop this rumor.

* * *

Later that night, Castiel was packing away some of his belongings. In two weeks he would be leaving this school for good. He had his acceptance from Stanford—finally—and had even accepted that acceptance. Everything was falling into place for his schooling, now if only it could elsewhere in his life.

The whole day had been spent trying to ignore the whispers about him and Dean. He really had wanted to just tell them that it was all true and see the looks on their faces, but he wouldn't do that to Dean. It was up to Dean to come out. Even though he'd told his old high school friends, he didn't really remember doing it. He didn't remembering the confidence he'd had and the after-effects. For Dean it was a story of someone else's life.

That was why Castiel was now in his own room, packing up the things he wouldn't need anymore. It would make it easier come the day that he would leave the school grounds for the final time. Not that he knew how he was going to get home yet. Jo had offered to come pick him up, but Castiel couldn't impose on her. He knew that John and Mary would be coming in a few days to pack down Dean's room, so Castiel figured he could ask them if they wouldn't mind taking some of his stuff. He'd be left with a couple of bags to take on the train home, then.

Picking up a photo, Castiel sighed with a soft smile. It had been one that Castiel had convinced Dean to take when they were suspended. Everything was so much easier then—at least, looking back it seemed it. Really, it was one of the hardest times for both of them. Dean was constantly back and forth on his feelings; trying to accept who he was. Castiel had wanted him to come out, but had just learned that football was more than just a game to him; it was Dean's future.

The photo had been taken while at Castiel's place, a selfie while they sat watching a movie. Dean had his tongue sticking out to the side, pretending to lick Castiel's face, while he tried to squirm away.

Their relationship had really built since then. They'd opened up more and shared more about their pasts. Castiel would soon learn that there was more to Dean Winchester than he ever let on, but he was learning something at least.

That happiness didn't last for too long, though. The pregnancy had really shook Dean to the core. Castiel knew now that Dean was just trying to protect him from having to make a difficult decision, but it had still hurt. The way Dean had pushed him out and pretended like he meant nothing to him had almost killed him.

" _Hey Dean, can we talk?" Castiel asked in the school corridor, as they passed each other. Dean was leaning against a wall, talking with Cain and Uriel when Castiel interrupted them on his own. It was intimidating, but he really needed to talk to his boyfriend; well, ex-boyfriend now._

 _Dean had disappeared from school grounds for a day, only to come back more closed off than ever. It was like something had happened at home, and Castiel was sure it had. Everything had happened after that phone call from Jo, meaning something had happened at home. He just wanted to find out what it was, and let Dean know that he was here._

" _What do you want, fag?" Uriel asked, laughing as Castiel nervously shifted his weight. He ignored the football player and focused on Dean. While he was laughing at Uriel's comment, there was a look in his eyes that told Castiel that he wasn't quite happy and didn't really find it funny._

" _Dean, please?" Castiel asked._

" _Look man, go back to your friends," Dean shook his head, "I'm with mine."_

" _Dean was only your_ fwiend _because he was your roommate," Cain laughed, glancing across at Uriel who was also laughing, but Castiel tried to ignore him, "Not like he's going to be that much longer. He'll be where he belongs and won't have to keep one eye open."_

 _Castiel frowned at that—not the comment about keeping one eye open but about no longer being his roommates. He knew he was wearing his emotions on his face, but he didn't care right now. Dean was hurting him, "You're switching rooms?"_

" _Later on, yeah," Dean nodded, "It's about time, really."_

 _The bell rang, indicating that they had class to get to. Uriel pulled Dean away from the wall and to their next class. All Castiel could do was stand in the corridor, watching his ex-boyfriend walk away. Dean did glance back, but Castiel couldn't tell what he was thinking. One thing Dean was good at was his poker face._

" _Hey man, how'd it go?" Speedy asked, placing his hand on Castiel's shoulder. Castiel just shook his head and walked away from his own friends, a burning sensation in his eyes as tears threatened to fall. He would not allow anyone to see that he was crying over Dean Winchester switching rooms; crying over the fact that he was losing his boyfriend for reasons he didn't understand._

Castiel wiped a tear away. That was a difficult time for Castiel. He thought he'd lost the love of his life. He never knew that the last six weeks could happen. Fearing that Dean had broken up with him was nothing compared to the fear that he was going to die.

A knock at the door pulled him out of his thoughts, "Yeah?"

Turning around, Castiel saw Benny standing at the door with his laptop in his hand, "So, I figured you were hiding from everyone and thought you might like some company hiding. I've got the latest _Fast and the Furious_ on my laptop. I know you don't really care about the movies because of the lack of storyline, but I figured you might want to just have something to take your mind off the crap going on in your life."

Castiel smiled with a nod. As much as he hated the movie franchise, it would be good to just chill out and not think about anything.

Benny got the laptop set up on a chair at the end of the bed, so they could both watch it in comfort without balancing the laptop on their knees. While the movie played, Castiel couldn't help but think back over his time with Dean. That picture had brought back so many memories back—good and bad. He couldn't believe all of this had happened in the space of nine months.

"Hey, do you remember the time that Dean kissed you in front of me?" Benny asked, with a laugh while they watched a car chase scene.

"God, he threw me for a loop then," Castiel laughed, "I wasn't expecting that at all."

" _You stink, brother." Benny shook his head, scrunching his nose up. Dean had just walked in covered in mud and a lot of other crap, drenched right through. Castiel just looked at him with raised eyebrows, trying to figure out what the hell had gone on. When Dean had explained it was crap from the lake, Castiel realized that it was a birthday prank. One good thing about his own friends was that they didn't do stuff like that when it was someone's birthday, but it seemed like the football players' way of life._

" _You should become a detective," Dean pointed out with raised eyebrows, before looking at Cas, "Look, I might not be back until headcount once I'm changed. I'll see you later, okay."_

 _Castiel nodded his head and started walking back to his bed to hang out with Benny. Dean grabbed his hand with his own wet one, catching Castiel's attention again. He frowned, trying to figure out what Dean was going to do. It wasn't usual for him to show any sort of affection in front of others. Before Castiel could pull away from Dean, he saw his boyfriend glance over at Benny and then back at Castiel. Suddenly, he was pulled into a kiss. Nothing else mattered right now. Dean Winchester was kissing him in front of someone else. After everything they'd talked about and everything that Castiel wanted, they were finally moving forward in their relationship. He knew that this was a big step for Dean, and all Castiel could do was return the kiss._

 _Dean pulled away, a small smile forming on his face before he looked over at Benny, "Not a word, Benny." With that, Dean picked up a towel and walked out of the room. Castiel just stood there like a statue, while Benny rushed out of the room after Dean. He placed a hand to his lips, his mind going a mile a minute. He'd actually kissed him in front of someone else and he wasn't even drunk._

"You know, I went out to threaten him after that," Benny laughed, "I never realized just how into you he was."

Castiel smiled as he slowly nodded his head, "Yeah, neither was I before that moment. I was falling fast and hard for him, but I had no idea what was going on in his head. I still don't really know, but I know more."

"He'll be okay, Cas," Benny nudged his friend before crossing his arms over his chest, "You'll get back home and he'll be outta the hospital and acting like the accident never happened."

"That's the problem," Castiel sighed, "The accident did happen and it could be screwing up his chance of college. I just really wish I went with him that night or managed to convince him not to go driving. He coulda…he coulda been killed…"

"Everything will work out." Benny couldn't really say anything else, but it didn't soothe Castiel at all. All he could think of was what they would do in two week's time when Castiel graduated and Dean didn't. What would they do in a few months when Castiel went to college and Dean was stuck in high school still? It was all that drunk driver's fault.

* * *

 **I know this seemed more of a filler, but it was important to get a few more flashbacks for Castiel. I hope that delves more into him that many wanted in the last story. Please R &R and I'll be back with more as soon as possible.  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi everyone. Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. I really enjoyed my week away but have spent this last week trying to catch up on things I've missed everywhere. It's amazing what a week without internet can do.**

 **Anyway, I'm updating this story now but have a little bit of bad news. I've hit a bit of a block-nothing major, just had to take a step back from writing this for a while until I figure out how to get from A to B. At the moment I have two more chapters ready to go and I'll post them over the next couple of weeks. Hopefully by then, I'll have more time to post. Another issue is that I've found out I'm pregnant and just unable to stay up late. The late nights are usually when I get more ideas for stories, so it is affecting writing at the moment :) I hope you understand if there is a break, but I will finish this. I expect it to be around the same length, maybe a little shorter, than the first story.**

 **Anyway, on with the chapter...**

Chapter 11

Graduation Day. There were times that Castiel never thought it was going to happen. In fact, it nearly didn't. Two nights ago he'd been caught in the hut again, drinking and smoking with Benny, Speedy and a few others. Luckily, it was one of the teachers that loved the group because they were good students—apart from getting caught. It was also only two days until graduation and she didn't feel that it would be right suspending them for a couple of days and making them miss out on this. They had been given a warning, though.

It had all led to this point. Four years and all the ups and downs that his life had brought had led him to this point. He was graduation, going to Stanford after the summer and his boyfriend was even coming to see him graduate. The latter part had surprised him even more.

" _How's your arm?" Castiel asked, while on the phone to Dean three days before graduation. Dean had just spent the last forty minutes talking about physiotherapy and other forms of therapy that Dean couldn't even remember the names of. They were all to help him get back to normal after the car crash—as if Dean was ever normal in the first place. Dean had also talked about seeing Ben and getting to hold him for the first time. Lisa had finally apologized for being a bitch just before the car crash, and was letting him into Ben's life at least._

" _It's fine, Cas," Dean sighed, and Castiel instantly knew that his boyfriend was hiding something from him, "Everything's gonna be fine, okay. I'm looking forward to seeing you in three days."_

" _Yeah, me too. I'll get to yours as soon as I can after graduation, okay?"_

" _What you talking about?" Dean asked with a chuckle, "I'm coming to see you graduate."  
_

 _Castiel frowned, not really sure what to say to that. The way Dean had said that made Castiel think he should have known about it. But nobody had told him that Dean was coming to the school; much less to his graduation. He knew Dean was still gutted that he wasn't going to be graduating and going to college, and Castiel didn't want to rub it into his face that he was getting to do all that. Besides, if Dean came to the school, he'd fuel the rumors that he was gay and that wouldn't do much good for next year._

" _Wait, did I not tell you that? Did I dream it all?" Dean asked suddenly, breaking the silence on the phone. There was a groan, as Dean started mumbling curse words to himself, "I thought I'd..."_

" _Dean, it's okay," Castiel sighed with a sad smile. He hated this part of Dean's memory loss. It was still affecting him now and then, "Maybe I forgot. It's been a hectic week getting ready for graduation, ya know."_

 _Dean didn't believe him; that was something Castiel could quickly tell. But Castiel was going to go along with it anyway._

" _So, you're coming to graduation," Castiel decided to break the new silence, "You know that Zach and the others will be there, right? What you gonna tell them?"_

" _I'll come up with something." Dean muttered, making Castiel sigh. As much as he knew his boyfriend wasn't about to come out of the closet, he did wish that there wouldn't be lies. Could he not just say that they were friends at least? Was it really that difficult?_

Castiel decided not to focus on the negative feelings from that conversation. Instead he was going to focus on the positives. Dean was coming to graduation to see Castiel. That was a major step in their relationship, even if Dean was going to make up some bullshit excuses to his former teammates.

A knock at his room door interrupted his thoughts, as he fought with the blue tie around his neck, "C'min."

The door opened, and Castiel looked through the mirror at Dean standing on the other side. Dean leaned against the doorframe, folding his arms over his chest with a smirk on his lips, "Looking good, Novak."

Castiel's heart stopped. Dean looked so grown up in his suit trousers and white shirt. He'd opted for a striped ties that was done up perfectly, making Castiel feel a little self-conscious about his own attempt. Dean's hair was gelled partially to one side, almost making him look like a 1930s gangster. It suited him, and made Castiel want him more.

"Yeah? Cuz I can't fix this tie."

Dean chuckled and stepped into the room, unfolding his arms, clearly showing the cast still on his arm with the shirt sleeves rolled up past his elbows. Castiel couldn't help but laugh at some of the things Dean's friends had signed on it. One of the ones that stood out was some comment about beer nuts from Ash. Castiel would have to ask about that later. For now, Dean moved both hands up to the tie and started tying it. Even with one hand in a pot, he was still much better at tying ties than Castiel was. Part of that was from the need to wear a suit for every away game when playing football.

"How you feeling?" Dean asked, letting Castiel look into his green eyes. They looked tired and his pupils were slightly dilated, but Castiel was going to ignore that from now. The amount of medication that Dean was on, it made sense for them to be like that. Dean wouldn't admit it but he was clearly still in some pain. Jo had warned him about that before Dean got back to the school.

"I'll be better when you kiss me."

Dean didn't wait. He just grinned and locked lips with Castiel. The shorter man had to admit that he wasn't quite expecting it. The bedroom door was still open, and anyone could see them. A chap at the door startled Castiel out of the kiss, but Dean just chuckled looking behind him—he'd seen who it was through the mirror.

"Hey Benny."

"Dean, good to see you," Benny smiled, uncomfortably playing with his own tie; almost as if it was strangling, "Gabriel said you were in here."

"Gabriel's here?" Castiel asked, looking between Dean and Benny.

"How else d'ya think I got here, doofus?" Dean asked with a laugh, before motioning his head towards the door, "He's in the hallway. Asked if I could see you first."

Castiel didn't miss Dean pull out a small bottle of pills from his suit trouser pockets, as he walked out of the room to tell Gabriel the coast was clear to come in. It wasn't something Castiel was worried about, though. Again, he knew that Dean was on pain killers for his injuries from the car crash. He was still healing.

"I didn't expect to see you here, brother." Castiel heard Benny say to Dean as he started walking out of the room.

"Yeah, well, wanted to see Cas and got a room to pack up too. Anna offered me her ticket. She's not feeling too great at the moment with the morning sickness."

Castiel saw Gabriel leaning against a wall, his dark hair gelled up a little. As soon as he locked eyes with Castiel, he grinned, "There you are."

"Hey, Gabe." The two brothers hugged, Gabriel saying just how proud of his little brother he was. After everything that had happened four years ago, it would have been easy for Castiel to act out and turn his back on school. Instead, he threw himself into school work. Yes, there was definitely some trouble, but he didn't let that get in the way of straight As and a great SAT score.

A couple of freshman boys walked past the two brothers, instantly muttering something, "Oh my God! He is here!"

Castiel frowned, glancing at the kids to see them looking into the room. Dean stepped out into the hallway, "Can I help you two?"

The whispering started to remind Castiel of the day they'd come back from suspension months earlier.

 _Dean had dropped Castiel off at the top of the drive to the school. It would be a five minute walk to his room, so not that bad, but it was enough to stop some of the students talking about their suspensions being at the same time. The more that Dean had opened up to Castiel over the break had told him that he just had to trust his boyfriend. He needed to help Dean keep this relationship a secret for now, especially after seeing how that jerk had acted the other night. It hadn't been easy keeping Dean from flying off the handles after that fight._

 _But the trick hadn't worked on all students. As Castiel walked past a couple of sophomores in the corridor of their dorm building, he heard them whisper something about him being back too. They would have already seen Dean walk through, and conclusions would have jumped to the rumors that had started last week._

 _Castiel ignored them but felt uncomfortable. He didn't like rumors about himself spreading through the school as it was, but he especially didn't like this one. Sure, he and Dean had been caught together but not doing what people expected. And this could come back to bite Dean in the ass._

" _Maybe Dean gave him that shiner." One of the whispers was louder than it needed to be, and Castiel frowned. Of course, there was the black eye that Castiel had gotten the night before thanks to the jerk outside the movie theater. Would people think Castiel had tried to come onto Dean again and Dean fought back? Maybe they would start rumors that there was some sort of domestic violence going on if they believed the other rumor. What about the idea that Dean had just decided he'd had enough of his roommate?_

 _Castiel's thoughts were cut off as he reached his room to see Dean already unpacking his own bags. The man was a god._

Now he just watched the "god" stare down the two kids that were muttering something. They soon hurried off, and Dean looked back at Castiel with a confused, uncomfortable look on his face. This day was only going to get worse.

It was time for Castiel and Benny to get down to the hall to get their gowns, and Dean and Gabriel would need to get to their seats where the other guests were expected. While they all walked in the same direction, they could hear more muttering and talking. Some of the freshmen were looking at their phones, obviously getting text messages through from others that had seen them outside Castiel's room.

"This is ridiculous." Dean groaned, grabbing Castiel by the face and pulling him into a kiss. Castiel could just stand there while Dean made it clear that all the rumors were true. It was like his boyfriend didn't care about being outed anymore. Maybe the near-death experience had been enough to make him think differently about the things that people could say about or to him.

Dean pulled away, winking at Castiel before turning back to walk down the hallway. He just couldn't help shout "You happy now?" as he walked. Was he shouting that at Castiel or at the other students just staring at them in awe?

"Holy fuck!" Benny laughed, "Now that I wasn't expecting."

The two friends looked at each other and then at Gabriel, who was just laughing at the scene, "Well, that's one way to come outta the closet."

* * *

 **Yes, it's finally happened. Dean has made it clear he and Cas are together. I know it was something you were all looking forward to happening, and the next chapter will go into the aftermath of that kiss.  
**

 **What do you think? Please R &R.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi again. Thank you so much for the continued support in this story. I'm really glad to see you enjoying it, especially with Dean now finally out of the closet. I know it was very sudden and you may think it will lead to some issues...well, that's what this chapter is all about. It's time for Dean to deal with the aftermath.**

Chapter 12

Castiel rushed after Dean, who was still walking towards the sports hall where the graduation ceremony was going to take place. Grabbing his arm, he made sure Dean was looking at him while he talked. So much was going through his head right now. Dean had just kissed him in front of other students. That was a statement as well as just his way of coming out of the closet, and Castiel needed to know why.

"Dean, what was that about?"

"You wanted me to come out, didn't ya, Cas?" Dean asked with a shrug, "Well, I just did it."

"Yeah, but..." Castiel frowned, before shaking his head, "Are you sure you wanted to do it like that? If Zach and..."

"Look, I can't care about them anymore," Dean sighed, looking around at the students who were glancing at them as they talked. The whispers were getting louder, so Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and looked into his eyes. There was a force in the grab that made Castiel question whether this was just about coming out of the closet, "My chance at football is screwed, so I don't really have an excuse to keep us quiet. 'Sides, I've been thinking the last coupla weeks. Life's too short to care what others think," in that moment, Dean pulled Castiel close to him, grabbing his hips to keep him steady, "So, I'm gonna do this in front of people. If you want me to stop..."

"Not really." Castiel had to admit, with a shake of his head. Dean just grinned before leaning in for a kiss. This time it was more gentle and caring. One of Dean's hands even went up to grab Castiel's face, pulling him closer and making it clear just how much he wanted him. The two weeks of Castiel being back at school had actually been the longest they'd been apart for except for the time of Dean's coma. All Castiel could do was reach his hands up to Dean's shoulders, steadying himself while gripping him to make sure it was all real.

"Fags." A student coughed as they kissed. Dean pulled away from Castiel and glared at the kid, who seemed to quickly realize what he'd done and rushed off.

"We're gonna get a lot of that today."

"Well, you've put up with it for so long from me, I guess it's my turn to get my own medicine."

"Winchester!" Zach's voice made them all stop. Dean groaned, turned on the spot to see Zach rushing up behind them. By now, Gabriel and Benny had caught up with them, "You fucking son of a bitch."

Castiel glared at Zach. He had wondered how long it would take the guy to find him. He wouldn't admit the butterflies he felt in his stomach, nervous about how all this was going to play out. Fear ran through him for Dean's safety, especially considering he was still weak and in pain.

Zach pushed Dean backwards, making him groan in pain. But Dean wasn't about to back down from a fight, which was why Castiel decided he needed to break it up. Getting in the middle, he got low and rammed his shoulder into Zach's chest. Zach let out a huff, but grabbed Castiel by the head and kneed his face.

Pain shot through Castiel's nose, and he soon felt warmth running through his nostrils and down his lips. Standing up straight, he tried to focus back on Zach, but there was already a fist flying towards his face.

"Hey!" A voice called out, but Castiel's ears were ringing too much from the blow. He couldn't work out who had shouted or why, maybe it was Benny and Gabriel. He suddenly felt two hands on him, dragging him back up the hallway to his own room.

"No, Dean." Castiel argued, trying to fight out of the two grasps, but he succumbed to the darkness around him.

* * *

"How's your arm?" Gabriel's voice sounded distant, and Castiel wasn't even sure who he was talking to.

"Fine." That was Dean's voice, but he didn't sound fine at all. Like Gabriel, he sounded distant; as if he was at the far end of the corridor.

"How's your ribs? You really took a couple of hits." This time it was Benny, again sound like he was just as far away as the other two were.

"They'll be fine. Coupla hits don't knock me down for long."

"They do when you're still recovering from a car crash."

Castiel groaned, trying to make it clear that he didn't want his friend and boyfriend arguing right now.

"Cas!" Dean's voice called out, and he heard footsteps. They were getting closer and Dean was constantly talking, but everything he said was a jumble. It took a while for his voice to sound closer.

Ignoring the pounding head he now had, Castiel blinked his eyes open, running his hand through his hair. Dean's face came in and out of focus for a few seconds, before Castiel could recognize the look of relief over his features. There was a black eye forming and a cut lip, but the rest of his boyfriend looked perfectly fine.

"What the hell happened?" Castiel groaned, now trying to sit up. A wave of nausea hit him and he thought his breakfast was about to come up. Instead, he swallowed hard and forced it at bay. Looking down at his shirt, he saw blood drops all the way down it.

"Zach knocked you out." Gabriel now said. Castiel looked up to see that Gabriel and Benny were both there and they were back in his room. The room looked sparse now that all of his own stuff was boxed and bagged up. It wouldn't take too many trips to Gabriel's car to get all this in.

"All that really happened?" Castiel asked, watching Dean as he pulled out his pill bottle and popped another couple of pills, "You sure you should be taking more of them."

"I'll be fine," Dean frowned, clearly not wanting to focus on that, "You need one? You look like crap."

"I'm not taking your medication, Dean," Castiel sighed, rubbing his head. He wished he could, but he knew better than that, "I'll be fine. I've got aspirin somewhere."

Dean shrugged his shoulders and popped his bottle back in his pocket, "You know ya didn't have to put yourself in danger for me."

Castiel chuckled at that comment, thinking of the times that Dean put himself at risk. He'd always put himself at risk for those he cared about, but didn't expect others to do it for him, "Please. Newns has been gearing for a fight for the whole year."

"Try two." Benny pointed out, just as the door to the room opened and closed quickly. They all looked over to see Speedy walk into the room with a clean, pressed white shirt. Someone had obviously sent him to search for a spare one from somewhere or iron one of Castiel's packed ones. One thing he hadn't expected was to get into a fight and end up with blood all over his shirt this morning.

"One new shirt," Speedy handed it to Castiel, before turning to face Dean, "That's how you come out? You get his nose potentially broken."

Castiel was about ready to try and break up another fight, but then realized that he didn't need to. There was laughter in Dean's eyes, "Guess I like to make a point."

"Hey, why don't we get to the hall to take our places and let these three get to their graduation." Gabriel decided to diffuse the situation. With a last glance at Castiel—almost asking for permission to go—Dean walked out of the room. It left the three friends to talk about everything that had happened.

"That was fucking crazy." Benny shook his head, looking between Castiel and Speedy.

"Okay, what the hell happened?" Speedy asked, "I heard the rumors that Dean kissed you in front of everyone and then find out you're been knocked out by Newns and need a new shirt. What the fuck did I miss?"

* * *

Once Castiel was back in a clean shirt and tie done up again—thanks to Benny—they made their way back down to the hall for their graduation gowns. Of course, by the time they got there everybody had heard all about the incident. The football team stood on one corner, all eyes on Castiel in disgust. Some of the other students were throwing looks of disgust, but not everyone. Some of them looked relieved that someone had finally had the guts to make it loud and clear that they were gay; that two former roommates were together.

Castiel walked over to his friends, who didn't bring it up at all, except to make sure he was okay. They knew better than to bring it up right now. All that they needed to do was get through graduation and then they were home sailing. Castiel just had to worry about Dean. What was he getting himself up to in the sports hall as they waited for graduation?

"Okay get in line," a teacher called out. Castiel looked over to see Mr. Tanner walking towards them, making sure all the students were ready in their graduation gowns, "C'mon, you all know where you're supposed to be."

 _Alphabetical order,_ Castiel sighed as he thought to himself. That meant one thing. He was going to have to stand next to his worst nightmare, Zach Newns. Separating from his group of friends, he and Benny slowly walked over to the line of students forming. They would only be a couple of seats away from each other, but it didn't mean Castiel was happy. That last thing he needed right now was to be stood next to the guy who'd knocked him out.

"Just a few more hours," Benny whispered, "Just think about that." Castiel smiled, rolling his eyes before spotting Zach. A purple bruise was forming by his left eye and there was a gash on his lip. Dean had definitely gotten a few punches in before getting Castiel back to the room. Cas could at least smile about that.

"This isn't over." Zach warned him as Castiel stood in line next to him. He would admit that there was some fear inside of him, but he was also tired; tired of the fighting and arguing. Once school was done it would be the end of it. He could escape Kansas, get to California and live a happier life; hopefully with Dean.

When Castiel didn't reply to Zach, he felt a shove forcing him to stumble into the person on the other side of him. Quickly apologizing to the boy, Castiel rolled his eyes, "Zach, give it a rest, will ya? Your backwards views will end up being the death of you one day. You really think you'll cope in San Francisco? The gay capital of California? Or the United States?"

Zach growled, about to react to Castiel's comment, but Mr. Tanner cut them off. It was time to get out to the sports hall and graduate. Despite everything that had happened in the last hour or so, Castiel was excited. Not only was he graduating, but his boyfriend was sitting out in the audience and watching him. In fact, his boyfriend had actually come out to the school and would actually cheer for him.

That was when the nerves really started. He was about to get up on the stage in front of the whole school. After the events of the last hour, what was going to happen? Sure, Dean and Gabriel would cheer, so would his friends, but what about the rest of the students. The news has spread now that he and Dean were together. Would people throw things at him? Jeer at him? Maybe the principle wouldn't even call his name.

As he fell into his thoughts, he suddenly realized that people were looking at him and sniggering. Castiel glanced around to see Speedy look at him with a smirk mouthing what looked like 'it's you'.

Looking around again, Castiel realized that Zach was no longer sitting next to him.

"Castiel Novak." The principal called out, and the laughter grew louder. Castiel looked up, quickly realizing that while he'd been thinking and worrying, his name had been called out. The students were laughing at him for being in the daydream. His cheeks were burning; he could feel the flush all over his body as he rushed out of his seat and up the steps to the stage.

"You do like an entrance, Novak." The principal sighed, as a mixture of cheers and boos sounded around the hall. The cheers were louder though, and Castiel could clearly hear Dean towards the back of the hall. As he moved the tassel on his hat to the other side, he looked up at Dean. He was standing at the back, waving the cast-covered hand in the air while whooping. Gabriel stood next to him a big grin on his face as he applauded. It didn't matter what anyone else thought in that moment. His boyfriend and brother were both there, proud of him for graduating high school. That's all that mattered in that moment in time.

While on the stage, he did get the chance to catch a glimpse of some of the football team. Cain stood out to Castiel the most, as he looked over to Dean. There wasn't hate in those eyes. Instead, it almost looked like Cain was sad about something; about Dean being gay? Being with Castiel? Whatever it was, Cas pushed the thoughts to one side and made his way across the stage to retake his seat. This was the start of a new life.

* * *

 **Yes, it did lead to a fight. I just had to, right? Just to let you know, this is the last chapter at the school. From here on out it's back in Lawrence/Topeka and there will be some in the story at Stanford. It's just time to close the time on the high school...**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please R &R.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everyone! Thanks again for the support in the last chapter. It's been one hell of a week for me again. Work has already piled up from my holiday and there's lots more coming through. Sometimes, I really wish I could go back to when all my free time was spent writing, but sadly that isn't the case.**

 **Anyway, here's the next chapter of this story. It's coming up to the point where there will be a longer break between chapters. It's not that I want to, but I just need the time to move on with the next chapter.**

 **For those who have missed the smut in this story, here's some for you to enjoy ;)**

Chapter 13

Castiel watched from the bed as Dean popped another pill from his bottle. That was the second one in the space of 30 minutes, and it was starting to make Castiel worried. It wasn't just this incident, either. In the last two weeks since graduation, he'd watched his boyfriend pop more and more pills. In fact, he was sure that he'd almost used up his refills.

As Dean turned back around from the looking out the window—presumably, in an attempt to hide the pills—Castiel closed his eyes and pretended to still be asleep. Through the darkness of his eyelids, Cas could sense Dean making his way back into the bed, snuggling in to cuddle his boyfriend.

The pot was now off Dean's left arm, which made cuddling a lot easier. Dean tended to sleep on the left side of the bed, so his left arm would drape over Castiel's waist. It was uncomfortable for both of them, so they were both especially happy when it came off. Now Dean just had to wear a brace now and then to offer some support, while he went through physiotherapy.

Feeling the strokes of Dean's fingers over his stomach, Castiel moaned and allowed himself to sink backwards into his boyfriend's embrace. It felt good to be like this; something he wasn't sure would ever happen at one point. The days of Dean's coma were still etched in his mind. There was no way he would ever be able to forget them.

Deciding to forget about that time for now, Castiel focused on the feeling of Dean tracing patterns on his stomach and side. The patterns slowly got lower and lower, and Castiel knew what would be coming next.

"Mmm, Dean…" he couldn't help but moan, as Dean started kissing his neck.

"Good morning." Dean spoke against his ear softly, his warm breath sending shivers down Castiel's spine. Dean's right hand now moved past the spot that Castiel really wanted his boyfriend to touch and went for the inner thigh, massaging it gentle, while pushing his own erection into Castiel's ass. Dean rubbed himself against Castiel, going back to kissing his neck.

Castiel turned his head, kissing Dean passionately. It encouraged Dean to move his hand to Castiel's growing erection, and he couldn't help but let out a moan when it happened. The contact was perfect, and everything that had just happened before was disappearing from his mind.

Lifting his arm up, Castiel pulled Dean's head closer to him and started stroking the back of his neck. It was Dean's turn to moan into his boyfriend's mouth now as their kisses became more and more heated. Castiel could feel Dean's hand quickening as it stroked the full length of his cock, which was now standing to full attention from the feeling.

"Dean..." Castiel moaned again, but then Dean just stopped playing and rolled away from his boyfriend. The cool air hit his back, and Castiel frowned to see what Dean was doing. He was about to complain until Dean rolled back over, a bottle of lube in his hand.

"We might need this." Dean whispered with a grin, before popping the lid off and pouring some lube onto his fingers. The bottle was discarded in front of Castiel on the bed, and Dean got himself back in position so he could go back to attacking his neck with warm kisses. It was a distraction from Dean's left hand, which now moved in between them so Dean's middle finger could start playing with Castiel's hole.

Castiel couldn't help but moan again, pushing his body backwards so that Dean would have better access. It would also encourage his boyfriend to actually stick his fingers inside of him, instead of the current teasing. While it felt good, Castiel wanted more and wasn't afraid to ask for it.

"Eager are we?" Dean chuckled, before capturing Castiel's mouth with his and finally placing his middle finger inside. Castiel's moan was louder this time, and he knew that was just why Dean had gone back to kissing him. It was to stifle the sound, considering Dean's parents were just next door. The last thing they needed to hear was this.

Dean's finger moved in and out of Castiel's hole, ever so slowly. It was torture for the smaller of the two men, and he wanted more. He needed to be stretched; to be filled by his lover. Before he knew it, Dean was adding a second and then a third finger into his boyfriend, stretching him as much as possible; preparing him for what would come next.

Castiel decided to help things go a little quicker. Grabbing the bottle of lube in front of him, he poured some on his hand and grabbed Dean's hard cock, smearing it all over. It was Dean's turn to moan into Castiel's mouth this time, as he rocked himself into his boyfriend's hand.

"Mmm, Cas..." Dean hissed, but Castiel moved himself back and lined up Dean's cock with where his hand currently was. It was a clear message, and Dean followed it. Pulling out his fingers, Dean allowed Castiel to line up properly and then pushed in. There was a groan from both of them, as Castiel revelled from the feeling of being completely full.

His hand went back to Dean's neck, playing with it as they kissed passionately while Dean rocked his hips. The position was lazy, but it felt so good. It was even better when Dean grabbed Castiel's left leg and pulled it backwards, making it easier for Dean to push all the way into his boyfriend. He massaged Castiel's thigh, making Castiel impossibly hard. He needed release, but didn't want this to stop yet. He didn't want to go back to reality right now.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Dean's left hand grabbed Castiel's erection and started pumping it. The pace matched his thrusting, bringing them both closer and closer to orgasm. As Dean thrust quicker, his mouth moved from Castiel's mouth to his ear, whispering dirty words between licks and nips. That and the feeling of Dean threw Castiel over the edge. Turning his head into the pillow to stifle his moan, Castiel came all over Dean's hand and the bed. It wasn't long until he felt Dean push himself in one last time and then release his own seed, giving Castiel everything he had.

Relaxation and sleepiness came over the two of them quickly after that, as Dean went back to drawing patterns over Castiel's stomach lazily.

"I've missed this," Dean told him, "I've missed being with you. I'm gonna hate it when you go off to college in September."

It wasn't something they discussed that often, but the subject would come up now and then. What made it harder was the fact that Dean was going to be stuck in high school for another year. They didn't want to think about the future, and Castiel had chosen right now to live in the moment. He knew they could make this work, as long as they were open with each other. They'd already come this far.

Ignoring the subject, made Dean move on from it, "I supposed we'd better get up. Lots to do today."

"Like what?" Castiel asked, frowning as he turned around. Dean moved to sit up in the bed, and glanced across at his boyfriend.

"It's July 4th in two days," Dean laughed, "My mom wants us to grab a few things from the store so she can get ready for it. Sorry, I should have warned you that July 4th is a big deal here. You'll get to meet some of my cousins. Gabe and Anna are welcome to come, ya know. Jo will be here and her mom and step-dad."

"I'll let them know," Castiel nodded his head, wondering whether something had been mentioned about this before. Dean was still struggling now and then with short-term memory. He'd think he'd told Castiel something, only to find out that it had been a figment of his imagination, and then there were times that he'd forgotten he'd said something. They'd put it down to the brain injury that thankfully wasn't as serious as it could have been, "I guess we'd better get showered, then."

Dean nodded his head and kissed his boyfriend gently, "You go first. I need to speak to Sammy." With that, Dean pulled on a pair of jeans and threw on a t-shirt, before walking out of the room. Castiel sighed, feeling reality hit him again. If only he could hide from everything that was really going on.

* * *

 _Are you sure he's popping too many? Maybe he's doing halves to spread them out?_

Castiel sighed with a frown, as he looked at the text from Benny. If only that was the case. He'd love to believe that Dean was breaking his pills in half to spread them out throughout the day, but Castiel was certain he was doing far too many.

 _Maybe you should talk to him about it. Or talk to his brother. You can't be the only person who noticed it._

No, that was right. Castiel had wondered whether anyone else had noticed the fact that Dean was popping pill after pill. He knew Dean was still struggling with some pain, but he couldn't keep relying on the medication. It wasn't good for him, and it would only make things worse when he ran out.

Castiel quickly threw the phone on the bed when Dean walked back into the bedroom, towel hanging low around his waist. Despite being in hospital for weeks, there was still some definition. The last couple of weeks had seen Dean back to trying everything he used to do, and Castiel wondered whether he was doing too much. Maybe that was the reason for the extra pain pills right now.

"You wanna take a picture?" Dean asked with a wink, and Castiel now realized that he'd been staring. Shaking his head with a small smile, Castiel stood and kissed his boyfriend.

"Sam said he needed help with something," he lied effortlessly. He didn't like lying, but right now he needed to, "Get dressed and I'll see you in a couple of minutes."

"Ok..." Dean didn't seem to believe him, but went along with it anyway. Right now it wasn't something Castiel wanted to worry about. He made his way out of the room, throwing back a wink.

"Why don't you take a photo, though?"

With that, Castiel walked across the hallway and knocked lightly on the bedroom door.

"C'min." Sam's voice on the other side was clear. At least he was awake. Opening the door, Castiel was surprised to see the curtains open and Sam sitting at his desk, typing at something. Adam's bed covers were pushed back, making it clear that he wasn't in the room. The 16-year-old turned in his desk chair, and smiled with surprise to see Castiel standing there.

"Hey, everything okay?"

"Yeah, well, no," Castiel admitted, "D'ya mind if we talk?"

Sam motioned over to the made bed in the room, making Castiel smile. Only Sam could make sure his bed was made every morning. Perching on the end of it, Sam turned completely around so there was no attention on the computer screen.

"What's up?"

"It's Dean," Castiel admitted, "I feel like I'm going behind his back, and I'm not comfortable about it, but...well..."

"What is it?" Sam frowned, looking directly at Cas.

Castiel took a moment to collect his thoughts before answering, "Have you noticed the amount of pills he seems to be popping right now."

Sam sighed, looking down at the floor, "I thought you might have noticed that. I heard Mom and Dad talking about it the other night. We've all kinda noticed. I guess he's in more pain than he's letting on."

"And he's relying on the pills too much." Castiel nodded his head, leaning forward with a sigh. He couldn't help but look away from Sam, focusing on a stained spot on the carpet. He couldn't quite tell what the stain was, but it was interesting right now.

"Dad thinks that—or worries about that," Sam admitted, making Castiel look back up at him. There was a hint of worry in his hazel eyes, and Castiel wondered whether it matched his own worry, "Mom just thinks he's struggling and won't tell anyone. You know what Dean can be like."

Castiel did know, and that's what worried him more. Dean had a habit of not talking to people, and that constantly played on Castiel's mind. Not talking—or not wanting to talk—had led to them being in this whole mess. It had led to Dean driving off that night, and ending up being ploughed into by a drunk driver. Dean's preference to deal with his own head had led to the coma and then the long recovery.

"Do you think we should talk to him?" Castiel now asked, "I want to but I'm never sure how or when to bring it up."

"Jo is usually the best one for something like this," Sam admitted with a shrug of her shoulders, "I'll talk to her later today and see what she thinks. Maybe all three of us can help him together."

"That sounds good," Castiel nodded with a small smile. It felt good to actually talk to someone about this. Texting Benny had been great, but actually being able to talk to someone who had seen it all too was just perfect; just what he needed, "Dean said we're going to the store for your mom today, so that should give you time to chat to Jo."

"Awesome," Sam nodded with a smile, "Enjoy the store. I almost forgot it's almost July 4th. You're gonna have lots of fun."

Castiel stood with a smile and made his way back to Dean's room. Once again, Dean was popping another pill and Cas couldn't hide his distaste this time, "Another one already?"

"Huh?" Dean looked around from the window, like a deer caught in headlights. Cas didn't say anything though, just looking at the small orange bottle in Dean's hand. As Dean looked down, there was an audible sigh and a nod, "I just...My arm and head ache, that's all."

"You only had one less than an hour ago."

Dean placed the bottle on the desk and smirked a little, "You worried I'm gonna OD or something? Don't worry. I'm following doctor's orders."

With that, Dean walked out of the room, patting Castiel on the shoulder as he left. The conversation left Cas confused. He'd worried that mentioning the pills would make Dean angry, but it was like he already knew. Maybe they were all just overreacting. It was possible, right?

* * *

 **What do you think? Please R &R, as I love to hear what you think about the chapters.  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm not sure why there was such a delay with this chapter. The last two weeks have had days run into each other with various things going on, and I can only put it down to forgetting that it was Friday and forgetting that I hadn't posted!**

 **Thanks for the support in the last chapter. It's building up now with them both being out of school, and I can't wait to see what you think about this next chapter. I'm trying to stay ahead of the writing, but I only have one more chapter so far. It all depends on whether I get a little time today and this weekend to continue with the story. The muse is back, though!**

Chapter 14

"I'll be over in a few hours, okay?" Castiel could hear Dean's voice outside as he walked around the kitchen. The window was open, trying to cool down the home with the heat they were facing this summer, and Dean's conversation was loud and clear. Cas didn't know who he was talking to, though, "I want to see him, Lise."

That answered the question. He was talking to Lisa, and it was obviously about Ben. Castiel smiled at the thought of it. Dean always made sure conversations about Ben were kept to a minimum around Cas, worried about causing tension. No matter how much Castiel said that he wanted Dean to be in Ben's life, Dean still tried to make it easy for all involved. He'd only go to see him when Castiel was back in Topeka most of the time, but it was July 4th, and he deserved to be with Ben at this time.

Hearing the backdoor open, Cas was surprised that his thoughts had drowned out the rest of the conversation. Dean looked just as surprised to see someone in the kitchen when he walked in.

"Hey, erm, you wouldn't mind if I went to see Ben, would you?"

"Of course not," Cas shook his head with a smile, "Why doesn't Lisa bring Ben over?"

"Now that's a good idea," Mary said, walking into the kitchen with Charlie following behind, "I barely see my grandson now you're not in the hospital."

"Do you want me to go back?" Dean asked, chuckling at his poor humor. Mary rolled her eyes and patted her son on the cheek.

"You know what I mean," she told him, "Why don't you ask her when you see her later."

Dean nodded, but Castiel could see there was some doubt in his eyes. He couldn't quite place what the doubt was all about, though, "I'll see what I can do. You know what her dad's like."

 _Ah, that answers it._ Castiel thought to himself. Lisa's dad had been a cause for concern over the last couple of months. He had tried to convince Lisa to give Ben up for adoption, causing her to threaten to run away. Mary and John had offered to help, but Lisa didn't want to be a burden on anyone else. What she hadn't realized was that Dean would have loved to have his son around. Being a family man, he wanted his son near him.

With a quick kiss on the cheek, Dean rushed out of the kitchen mumbling about needing to make another phone call, leaving Castiel and Mary together. That was when Mary's expression changed. Castiel could see her worry forming in her brown eyes. It was worry she would only show now and then, and usually when Castiel was quietly passing through the house to find Mary and John talking alone.

"Is everything okay, Mary?" Castiel decided to pry. Mary shook herself, as if remembering that she wasn't completely alone, before looking over to Castiel.

"Oh, I'm fine sweetie." Mary smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. As she busied herself with cleaning the already clean counters, Castiel knew that there was definitely something wrong.

"Are you sure? Is there anything I can do?"

Mary looked up at Cas and shook her head, that same smile still on her face. Castiel decided to just accept the answer. He still didn't feel like he knew Mary enough to go prying into her worries. But he wasn't going to completely let his own worries die. He'd talk to Dean or Sam about it. Maybe they could find out something more.

With a nod, Castiel grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and then asked for the shopping list. It was time to grab Dean and get to the store before it got too busy.

* * *

After 15 minutes of being on the phone, Dean and Castiel set off to the store, borrowing Mary's car to get there. It was obvious Dean still wasn't happy about his baby being in the garage, but John and Bobby hadn't had time to completely fix it up. There were a few issues under the hood, but now that Dean's arm was out of the cast he was going to fix things himself. He often told Cas that he couldn't wait to get back behind the wheel of Baby.

Finding a parking space, Dean killed the engine and shook his head, "I feel like a soccer mom."

Castiel couldn't help but chuckle at the comment. The car was something a soccer mom would use. Hell, Mary technically was a soccer mom with Adam's interest in the sport. It's no wonder Dean felt that way, especially when he was used to driving his Impala.

"So, what do we need to grab?" Dean asked, looking over at his boyfriend and grabbing his hand as they walked into the store. Castiel pulled the list out of his jeans pocket with his spare hand, checking it over.

"Apples, flour and eggs…" Castiel said, stopping when he saw the smile on Dean's face, "What?"

"Apple pie." Dean simply stated, and Castiel knew exactly what that meant. His mom was making one of his favorite desserts.

With a shake of the head, Castiel continued with the short list. The rest was some salad and juice for the kids. Cas had seen John come home with crates of beer for the adults a few nights ago. It would take them 20 minutes tops to get everything, especially since Dean knew where the majority of the needed items were.

"Let's start with the salad stuff first. It's as we walk in." Dean said, unlinking his hand from Cas' to grab a shopping trolley. The two walked side by side, looking for everything that Mary had written down. They were just finishing up with grabbing everything for the salad when a familiar voice called out to them.

"Well, if it isn't the fags. Who said you could come in here?"

Castiel rolled his eyes, looking up at the taller, stockier black teenager in front of him. Cas felt Dean tense beside him, as if he was gearing up for a fight with Uriel. All Castiel wanted to do was reach out to his boyfriend, but it would just escalate this situation. While he didn't care about what other people thought, he didn't want a fight. Not in the store.

"It's a free country." Dean sneered back at his former teammate.

"Hey, Uriel, where…" another familiar voice spoke, but stopped when he rounded the corner. Castiel didn't need to see Zach Newns to know it belonged to him. Sometimes, he really wished he didn't have to see the 18-year-old again, but they all lived within driving distances from each other. Castiel had also found out towards the end of the year that Zach's parents were moving to Lawrence because of Zach's dad's job. It was easier and cheaper than the commute. Obviously, that relocation had taken place.

Castiel prepared himself for something from Zach, but it didn't come. Instead, Zach just looked between Dean and Castiel, before rolling his eyes. He couldn't help but notice something in Zach's eyes that said he wasn't going to bother with derogatory comments for once.

"C'mon, Uriel, we need to finish this off for the party." Zach said, pulling his friend away from the two teenage lovers. Castiel frowned slightly, as Uriel growled.

"You just gonna let 'em stay here? They need to be put in their place."

Zach rolled his eyes and shook his head, "This isn't high school, anymore." With that, Zach threw a look towards Dean that almost looked apologetic, before pulling his defender friend away. It really threw Castiel for a loop, but he needed to focus on Dean right now. Without realizing, Dean had gripped the trolley bar tightly, his body shaking.

"Hey, you okay?" Castiel asked, placing a hand on Dean's arm. Dean looked at him, and Castiel could see fire in his eyes. He had to admit that it scared him slightly. The last time Dean had been like this…well, Cas didn't really want to think about the last time. That was a very bad time, and far too recent for his liking.

"I'm gonna rip their heads off." Dean growled, making Castiel rub his back gently.

"They're not worth it, and you know it," Castiel said, "They're just two dicks from high school. C'mon, let's get on with this and get back to yours."

It took a few moments, but Dean finally nodded his head. It wasn't worth it, but Castiel had to admit that he was angry, too. He really hated the prejudice at times, especially when it involved people he'd spent the last four years being around.

If only that was the day over with. As the two boys made their way around the store, they saw Uriel and Zach again. Luckily, only Zach saw them, and he threw another apologetic look. This time Castiel couldn't help but question it, "What's Zach's deal?"

"What you mean?" Dean asked, frowning as he grabbed the eggs. Checking them over to make sure none were broken, he placed them in the filling trolley.

"Well, Zach would usually lay into me," Castiel shrugged his shoulders, "Now he…It's almost like he's accepted I'm gay. You've not noticed those looks?"

"Nope." Dean said, emphasising the 'p' before moving on and asking for the next item on the list. They were onto the last one, and rounded the corner. It just had to be the same aisle that Zach was currently in. Uriel was nowhere to be seen. Dean rolled his eyes, as he aimed straight for the flour. Castiel was left watching the former high school quarter back, who now just happened to be walking over after looking around behind him first.

"Uriel can really be a dick at times, huh?" Zach asked, making Dean and Castiel both frown. Zach was always the ringleader of the group.

"Yeah, _Uriel_ is the dick." Castiel sighed, with a shake of his head. Zach nodded his head, with a guilty expression.

"I guess I was a dick, too," Zach nodded, "Look, I'm…well, I guess I shouldn't have…you know…been a dick."

"What do you want, Newns?" Dean asked, with a tired and bored sigh. While his voice said one thing, Castiel could see Dean gripping the trolley again. He was clearly trying to control his temper.

"I shouldn't have acted how I did…I was just shocked, man," Zach sighed, "I guess I'm so…sor…"

"Sorry?" Castiel helped him out, making Zach chuckle to himself.

"Yeah, that. I…you were, well, I thought we were buddies and then I find out you were gay the whole time."

"Not gay; bisexual." Dean pointed out, making it clear that there was a big difference. The comment took Zach aback, but he didn't comment with anything derogatory.

"Well, I wasn't expecting it," Zach explained, "I'd…I kinda expected that to be something you'd have told me instead of me finding out from others."

"Why would I have told you when I saw how you treated Cas?" Dean asked, scoffing at the audacity of the teen. Zach nodded again, glancing at Castiel again before looking back over at Dean.

"Yeah, you're right," Zach nodded, "Well, I just…It woulda still been cool being roomies at college. I'm sorry you couldn't take the scholarship with the car crash and all that."

Castiel frowned, but movement behind Zach caught his attention. Uriel was just walking back around to the aisle, making Castiel nod upwards, "You might wanna walk away before your friend gets back. Not sure he'd be as welcoming to a couple of fags, huh?"

Zach frowned, but turned to look behind him. Nodding, Zach walked back to where he'd originally been standing in the aisle. Castiel didn't miss the question from Uriel about Zach talking to 'a couple 'o fags' but he didn't hear Zach's answer. Not that it mattered. It wasn't going to be any good.

"What the fuck was that about?" Dean shook his head, "Has Newns had a personality transplant?"

"Maybe he's realized he's gay too," Castiel joked with a wink, "You remember how you changed once you realized how you felt."

"Haha, funny Cas," Dean rolled his eyes before grabbing the flour and placing it in the trolley, "Let's go, huh? I need to get across to Lisa's."

* * *

 **I know there will be mixed reviews about that, but I wanted to add it in. After all, prejudice can be due to being in a group with others who have that viewpoint. Please R &R. Your reviews really do keep me going.  
**


	15. Chapter 15 (Not an Author Note!)

**AN: I know how long it has been and I can only apologize. Life has taken some curve balls over the last couple of years. I hated that this story just got left and I found it on a memory stick and realized I had a couple of chapters. Just reading back through Made to Lie and this one brought back some ideas that I wanted to write out and has made me want to work on the story again. I'm honestly not sure how often I'll be able to update, but I'm really trying to get back on track.**

 **I hope you can forgive me.**

Chapter 15

Dean dropped Castiel back off at the house with the groceries and then left to get across to Lisa's house to see his son. Castiel couldn't help but ask him to talk to Lisa about coming for the July 4 BBQ, but he could see it in his boyfriend's eyes that he wasn't really interested in the idea. Cas couldn't help but wonder whether it was the fact that he was there. Was Dean trying to keep Cas and Lisa apart? Did he not want Cas around his son?

The 18-year-old didn't have much time to think about that, though. Before he knew it, Jo was over to help Mary with some preparations for the BBQ in a couple of days. Castiel hadn't missed the fact that Jo was like a daughter to Mary, presumably because she and Dean were so close as friends.

"Dean with Lisa?" She asked, after the initial greetings with Castiel, not entirely happy about the idea of him being with his ex-girlfriend. Castiel had learned that she didn't really like Lisa all that much, not that Cas really liked her. The things he'd heard and the little time he'd spent around her meant that he wasn't too fond. It didn't help that admittedly she'd given Dean something that he never would be able to; a biological child. They may not be thinking about a family now, but if it ever did come up it would be something he'd have to live with.

"He wants to see Ben."

"He loves that kid already," Jo shook her head with a laugh, "I've got to admit, he is cute. I don't like babies all that much, but Ben is cute with his dark hair and green eyes. He's a mix of them both."

Castiel just nodded his head, offering nothing further to the conversation. What could he say to that? Apart from at the hospital, Cas hadn't seen his boyfriend's son. Dean would leave to see him, or would bring him over when Castiel was back at his own apartment.

"Can I ask you something?" Jo asked, clearly changing the subject, "It's about one of your friends."

"Benny, by any chance?" Castiel asked with a small smirk. He'd heard the two had been texting ever since that day Castiel had drunkenly gotten to Jo's car. As Jo blushed, he couldn't help but smirk further. It clearly was about his friend, "He's a good guy. A southern gentleman."

"That wasn't what I was going to ask you, but thanks…" Jo giggled, sitting at the kitchen table. Castiel joined her, waiting for Jo to bring up the question on the front of her mind, "He asked me if I wanted to go away with him over Thanksgiving. I know it's quite far in advance but…"

Castiel smiled, nodding his head as he understood her reservations. They'd only been communicating by phone and social media over the last few months, "He goes skiing with his parents every Thanksgiving."

"Yeah, he said they were going to Calgary."

"It's genuine. The fact that he's asking you to go means he really likes you," Castiel explained, "I've never heard him ask anyone—not even me or Speedy—to go with him."

That put a smile on Jo's face, and Cas could see the relief. It made him happy to help set up a friend of his with someone who would clearly be good for him. Jo's friendship with Dean proved that she was loyal and caring, and that was just someone Benny deserved. He also knew Benny, and knew that he was perfect for Jo.

"Now it's just whether my mom and Rufus will say yes." Jo muttered under her breath, but Cas decided to stay out of that part of the conversation. He'd only met Ellen once when he went to the Roadhouse with Dean a few weeks ago. He'd liked her, but she was clearly strict. He wasn't going to comment on her parenting skills; what would he judge them against?

"I swear to God I could kill him sometimes." Sam interrupted them just at the right time. Shaking his head, Sam walk through the kitchen, almost as if he didn't realize Cas and Jo were there. They watched him pull his cell phone out of his pocket and make a quick call. When he didn't get the response he wanted, he left a voicemail, "Dean, get your ass back here. I need the Goddamn car."

"And where could you need to go in such a hurry?" Jo asked, getting Sam's attention. His face went a beetroot color, as he shoved his hands into his pockets roughly. Jo just laughed the once, as loud as she could, "Oh my God! Does Dean know why you need the car?"

Castiel narrowed his eyes, looking between Jo and Sam. What had she figured out that he hadn't? What did Sam clearly not want his older brother to know? He wasn't left guessing for long, before Sam pleaded with Jo, "You can't tell him. I don't want him finding out that Sarah and I are still together. He hasn't asked for ages and it's been nice avoiding the teasing."

He sat back and just watched the interaction between the two friends. Jo was clearly going to hold this over Sam's head, and Sam suddenly remembered Cas was in the room, too, "You too, Cas. Please do not say anything to him."

"I don't understand," Castiel frowned, "Why can Dean not know about a girlfriend?"

"The last time Dean found out about one of Sam's girlfriends, he wouldn't leave Sam alone for months," Jo explained, as Sam sat down to join them, "Dean just loves teasing."

"Yeah, well Amelia hasn't spoken to me since breaking up with me," Sam sighed, shaking his head, "Can we please keep it between us?"

Jo winked, with a grin, before turning back to Castiel, "So, how long are you staying for this time?"

"Just until Sunday," Castiel sat back, a frown forming on his face. He didn't like thinking about when he had to go back to Topeka each time. It wasn't like he and Dean lived that far away, but he knew that in a few months they wouldn't be in driving distance.

"Okay," Jo nodded her head, "Looks like that will be the best time to talk to him about his med use."

Castiel frowned, looking between Sam and Jo. Sam just shrugged his shoulders, murmuring something about saying he would talk to Jo. It was clear that if Dean was going to talk to anyone, it would be her. And talking to him when Castiel wasn't around would be a better move. Dean had someone to escape to if something went wrong.

"Has he taken anymore today?"

"I saw him taking one earlier," Castiel nodded, "It was just after running into Zach and Uriel."

"Who?"

"Two guys from school. I knew Zach lived locally, but I didn't know Uriel did. I guess they're with him for the holiday weekend," Castiel sounded out his thoughts, shaking himself out of them, "It doesn't really matter. Dean took another one, but I think it might have actually been time to take one."

"I'll get to the bottom of it, Castiel," Jo grinned with a solid nod, "I promise."

* * *

It took a few hours for Dean to come back from seeing Ben and Lisa. Not that that bothered Castiel, but he had started to feel a little out of place in the house. Sam had made other arrangements for his date, and Jo had gone back home. It just left Castiel with Mary, Adam and Charlie with John at work, but he never really felt like he fit in that well. Charlie had asked him to play on the Xbox with her, but it turned out he was bad at whatever game she was playing.

By the time Dean did get home, John was already home and it was dinner time. Mary and John made small talk, while Dean and Charlie talked about how bad Castiel had been at the game. Adam just couldn't help but share the news that Sam was out on a date when Dean asked about the eldest of his younger brother, but Dean didn't seem as intrigued by it as Castiel had thought he would be.

It was clear that something was wrong. And Castiel couldn't help but wonder whether it was something he'd done or not done.

"Will you play on the Xbox after dinner, Dean?" Charlie asked her big brother. Cas could see clearly that Dean didn't really want to, but he couldn't turn his sister down.

"One game, okay?"

"Oh but you usually..."

"One game, Charlie," Dean growled, making everyone at the table look at him with concerned looks. John placed his bottle of beer down and looked directly at Dean.

"Are you going to be like this all night?"

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, slightly defensive in his nature. Castiel looked between step-father and step-son, wondering who was going to kick off first, "I'm just not in the mood for a stupid game, okay?"

"Dean!" Mary was shocked to hear her son's words, glancing at Charlie. Cas looked over to see a sulk appearing on Charlie's face. It was the first time Dean had ever called one of her games stupid. The tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife. The only sound to come after that was Dean scraping his chair backwards across the wood floor, "Where are you going?"

"Does it matter?" Dean asked, before rushing up the stairs. Cas watched his boyfriend leave, and then bit his lip. John was about to say something, but Castiel cleared his throat.

"May I talk to him? Maybe I can find out what's happened."

When John and Mary nodded, Castiel stood and made his way upstairs. He knew there was only one place that Dean would go, and that would be to his room. Without knocking, he walked into the room, "Hey you."

Dean looked up from the phone in his hand. Sitting on the bed, Castiel could tell clearly that he was stressed and pissed off, but he couldn't tell why. Dean was suddenly starting to bottle everything up, and Cas just wanted to know why.

"They send you up here to talk to me?" Dean rolled his eyes, quickly typing on his phone and then putting it down, "They can't be bothered to check up on me themselves."

"I asked to let them give me a chance to talk to you," Cas pointed out, closing the bedroom door behind him, "You've been pissed off since getting back from Lisa's. What's happened? Have I done something?"

"What makes you think it's you?" Dean asked with a scoff and another roll of his eyes, "It's not all about us, ya know."

"Then what is it?"

Dean shook his head and stood, walking across the room. Pulling out a bottle of medication from his drawer, Castiel just watched as Dean popped another pill. It was clear from the sound of the bottle that it was almost finished, if not finished already. In fact, Cas was sure he heard Dean swear under his voice, when placing the bottle of pills on the nightstand.

"Dean, talk to me," Cas said to him, "You remember what bottling it all up led to last time."

"Yeah, it led to this crap," Dean rubbed his eyes tiredly, before turning back to face Castiel, "It led to me not getting that fucking football scholarship and a car that's stuck in a garage while I rebuild it. It led to Lisa not putting my fucking name on Ben's birth certificate and you moving fucking thousands of miles away from me in a few months. It led to my life being shit. It was finally on the up, and now it's shit."

Nodding his head, Castiel moved to stand next to Dean, "What can I do to make it better?" Castiel brushed his hand through Dean's gelled hair, looking deep into his green eyes. His pupils had start dilating from the medication. Castiel was even sure they were a darker green than the usual emerald green that was mesmerizing for him.

"You can't." Dean shook his head, quietly. Without warning, he stepped back and walked out of the room. Castiel was left alone and completely confused.

A beep on the bed caught his attention. Dean had left his phone behind. As much as Castiel didn't want to check it, he didn't feel comfortable about where that conversation had gone. Was Dean looking for a way out of the relationship? Had he not been with Lisa after all but with someone else today?

Too many thoughts went through his head, and he couldn't help but look at the phone. It was a name he didn't recognize, some guy written as Ab. Frowning, Castiel looked at the part of the message that was showing up on the phone.

' _Will see you then. DON'T be late or...'_

Leaving the phone on the bed, Castiel pulled out his own. He needed to get hold of someone who might know what Dean was up to.

* * *

 **AN: So yes, it's quite a short chapter but something just to get us all back into the story.**


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